


let's break the internet (i wanna get freaky on camera)

by chocolatecrack



Series: the only way of loving me, baby, is to pay a lovely fee [1]
Category: Johnny's Entertainment, SixTONES (Band)
Genre: ALSO I DIDNT EXPECT THIS TO BE THIS LONG LOL, Cam guy, Cybersex, Dirty Talk, Fingering, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, I HOPE Y'ALL LIKE THAT PART I LOVED WRITING IT AHEHEHEHE, Lingerie, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sex Toys, Sharing a Bed, Strangers to Lovers, WOW I ACTUALLY WROTE SMUT WITH A PLOT THIS TIME HAHAHAHA YUP, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, anyway, bcos jesshin ALWAYS have feelings so yea, idk what else to tag but YEA JESSHIN IS AMAZING, incredibly jesshin centric with kyomohoku hinted at the end hehehe, sort of? at first?, that's basically where all of this is based on so YEA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:01:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28663605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatecrack/pseuds/chocolatecrack
Summary: 11 o’clock on the dot, and maybe Jesse found something interesting. Someone interesting. The bios would usually contain something suggestive, or something weird and inviting, or something that would make them seem profound. This was just… well. A description. The bio photo wasn’t even him showing off his body. It was fully clothed, only a hand lifting the shirt and showing dangerously low rise sweatpants, showing off a hint of defined abs and… an extremely deep v-line. Okay, so maybe Jesse was interested. Now if only—Bottom. Sub.Oh, fuck.Jesse had never clicked a profile so fast in his entire life.
Relationships: Jesse Lewis/Morimoto Shintarou, Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto
Series: the only way of loving me, baby, is to pay a lovely fee [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100627
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	let's break the internet (i wanna get freaky on camera)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aizawamegumi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aizawamegumi/gifts).



> AFTER 80 PAGES ON GDOCS AND SO MANY WORDS AND REWRITES BCOS I WAS NEVER SATISFIED............. IT'S FINALLY HERE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> right so. long story short, this actually sprung from how Gin ([aizawamegumi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aizawamegumi/pseuds/aizawamegumi)) said Jesshin would like Doja Cat's Cybersex (like, the song). and I agreed bcos, well, they WOULD like the song. like the song itself. but I also figured that, huh, they would like cybersex too. like actual cybersex. then the song got stuck in my head, and i played it on repeat, and the idea was born and well, 30,000 words later....... we have this monster of a fic that i didnt even expect would be this long but well aklsjdskljgkdgjkl yea
> 
> so this is loosely and sorta based on that song! I put Jesshin in a little alternate universe and managed to come up with this and give jesse a hard time bcos i liked writing him and making him suffer HAHAHAHAHAHAHA sorry jesse bby but im also really not sorry HAHAHA!!
> 
> sending a shout out to Gin bcos this rly happened bcos of her!! thank u bby!! also shout out to Tori bcos we both love Shintaro and Jesse and Shintaro and Jesse together YAAAASSSSS! and shout out to all Jesshin shippers out there, and to all my readers who said they don't exactly ship Jesshin but read my Jesshin works anyway bcos they like my writing AHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY ARE Y'ALL SO SWEET AND AMAZING AND MAKE ME CRY I LOVE ALL OF YOU :((((((((((((
> 
> anyway!! a little bit of a fair warning: this fic deals with the topic and idea of a cam guy (someone who makes money thru sexual means virtually) so if y'all are uncomfortable with the idea of that or you don't prefer reading about it, pls do not read the fic. just wanted to put a little warning out there in case there are some who wouldn't want it!
> 
> but yea to all who will read and continue to read my works, THANK YOU SO MUCH WITH MY WHOLE HEART ;A;
> 
> this work is un-beta'd btw but i did lose my mind trying to proofread as much as possible so hopefully it's ok asklfdjdkfgjfkhjkl  
> title is, obviously, from Cybersex by Doja Cat. you can listen to the song while reading the first half of the fic too! hehehe
> 
> anyway, ONWARDS TO THE FIC!
> 
> akanemaraschino @ Twitter || chocolatecrack @ LJ || scenesinmoonstruck @ Tumblr if you guys want to talk!
> 
> Also: to those who want to send questions but wanna stay anon, I have a CC!! here you go!! --> https://curiouscat.qa/akanemaraschino  
> And idk omg buy me a coffee maybe? I WOULD APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH AND I WOULD LOVE U SO MUCH AND THANK U huhu ❤ --> https://ko-fi.com/GrenadineDream

Maybe Jesse was lonely.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t been getting some, lately, seeing as he of course worked at some dingy bar in Shinjuku and all, so the customers definitely took interest when they saw him there. Sometimes he took a girl home, sometimes it reached somewhere, most of the time it didn’t really feel like it was anything special. There were times when he took guys home, times when it reached somewhere, almost all the time it didn’t really feel like it was anything that would last. But he did get some, because the bartender always got some, since people either wanted free drinks or company. People came to bars either to celebrate or because they were miserable, anyway. And misery did love sweet company. Even in the form of a meaningless fuck.

So maybe Jesse was  _ really  _ lonely. Because the last fuck he had was when that girl from last night ordered a dirty martini, and he smooth talked her by asking if that was the only dirty thing she enjoyed. It was the corniest of pick up lines, but he figured the girl might have been even lonelier than he was. Because the next thing he knew she was kneeling on the floor of his bedroom in his apartment, opening her mouth wide to accommodate his size. He never really did see what her eyes actually looked like. Nor was he sure what her name actually was. Shame.

His laptop shone bright in front of him, and it was nearing midnight—11 o’clock on the dot—the seconds ticking further. Jesse scrolled through the site earlier, and it wasn’t exactly a porn site, but more of a… pleasure one. Personal videos by actual,  _ real  _ people who uploaded raw and natural videos, not the ones with bad acting and convenient scripts and so-called ‘experts on sex’. The site was called ForYou, and he mindlessly scrolled through and searched earlier on that night, because his loneliness was too much and he couldn’t be bothered for anything physical tonight anyway. So he resorted to online means, because the site hid the person’s face from the client, only showed up to the lips, not the eyes, and definitely not who they really were. Jesse was fine with mystery. He just wanted a good night.

There were all kinds of people catering to all kinds of needs. One could even sort the filters to who they wanted. Jesse wasn’t picky, so he just scrolled through the general tag, taking into mind who sparked his interest. Too skinny for his liking, too burly for him, a bit too pale, bio seemed a bit… unusual, looked like he was ten feet tall. The more he scrolled, the more Jesse thought that maybe this was a bad idea after all. Maybe in his desperation, he wasn’t really going to find anyone, especially not anyone who he thought he would actually  _ want  _ to see naked and pleasure himself in front of him and could possibly jack off to and…

  1. _Cancer._



_ Surfs and swims. Dances. Eats an onigiri whole. _

11 o’clock on the dot, and maybe Jesse found something interesting.  _ Someone  _ interesting. The bios would usually contain something suggestive, or something weird and inviting, or something that would make them seem profound. This was just… well. A description. The bio photo wasn’t even him showing off his body. It was fully clothed, only a hand lifting the shirt and showing dangerously low rise sweatpants, showing off a hint of defined abs and… an extremely deep v-line. Okay, so maybe Jesse was interested. Now if only—

_ Bottom. Sub. _

Oh, fuck.

Jesse had never clicked a profile so fast in his entire life.

Obviously the profile wouldn’t magically show the person’s entire face, but it was enough to get Jesse even more interested anyway. The close up pics were all of the guy, whoever he was, showing off hints of skin but never really showing enough. But from the hints, one could see how he had a really well formed body, Jesse guessing maybe because of the dancing and surfing, and he didn’t know why but he could already feel his blood dancing under his skin. Dancing and surfing, so he knew how to maneuver his hips. He knew how to…

Okay. Okay maybe he needed to calm down. Maybe he needed to chill, it was just photos, just words, he needed to see the  _ actual  _ guy first of course.

Jesse checked his rates, and okay, not bad for someone who seemed like he should be charging for so much more. Jesse thanked all the divine powers wherever that he worked double his shift last week to pay for his credit card bill. So he went to go press the private session for the night, thankful the schedule wasn’t booked, and waited for his payment to process and for his confirmation. When he received it, the gray washed out enter button turned blue, and he could press it to enter the person’s private stream.

A stream he paid for. Meant only for him. Only the two of them. With the Cancer guy who surfs and dances and could apparently fit an entire onigiri in his mouth. Jesse let out a little chuckle at that, wondering why the guy had put that in his description. He hoped it was a hint of his sense of humor.

_ Bottom. Sub. _

So Jesse finally pressed the button, held his breath and made sure he wasn’t an idiot who had forgotten how to type.

He immediately jammed the earphones in the jack of his laptop, almost forgetting that the stream of course had sound, and jammed his earphones in his ears, the wire almost getting tangled up. When the stream appeared, it showed the guy in a black, loose muscle tee, showing his whole torso up to his upper lip, as he sat in front of what Jesse guessed was his set-up.

“Hi,” the guy said suddenly, and Jesse already knew he would be such a goner for that voice.  _ That voice.  _ “I rarely get one-on-one private sessions.”

The guy smiled. Why was it so damn beautiful already, goddammit.

“So I’m glad you booked one,”

Jesse remembered what he was supposed to be doing and lifted his hands to his keyboard to start typing, despite the shaking fingers.

_ [Right, of course.] _

The option he chose for tonight was a one-way private session, where only the client could hear and see, not the artist. Jesse was fine with that, with observing. He was probably one out of the hundreds the guy got, anyway. His ranking and view count on the site was pretty high.

“What do you want me to do, sweetie?” the guy said in a fake tone.

Jesse winced. He wasn’t a fan of the fake-work voice. He knew the guy needed it for his customers, but Jesse wanted something more natural and real. And he was paying, after all. So.

_ [No need for nicknames. And I want to hear your real voice.] _

The guy obviously looked taken aback, but hopefully Jesse hadn’t scared him away or something. He just really didn’t want anything that seemed unconvincing.

To his surprise, the guy smirked, moving a bit closer to the camera. “Well, okay then,” he said more naturally, in what Jesse guesses to be his actual voice. At least, that’s what it sounded like. “How do you wanna go about this? Do you have anything specific in mind?”

Jesse definitely preferred it more this way.

_ [You could honestly just do what feels good for you. I’ll be satisfied with that.] _

“Huh,” the guy said, “okay. First time somebody asked that. But I’m gonna need something from you too, I guess?”

_ [What is it?] _

He smiled again. Jesse wanted to drown in that smile.

“Description, I guess? Like, uhm,” he pursed his lips, making them look fuller than they already were. Jesse made a mental note of that. “Well, what color is your hair? Is it long or short? Where do you work, what’s your job?”

Jesse started typing again.

_ [For now, red. It’s long enough for me, but short enough to keep it proper. Sometimes I style it because it fits my job more. Bartender at some bar. We’ve probably co-existed if you’ve frequented some.] _

Jesse saw him leaning forward to read the words, mouthing them with his pretty lips.

“Bartender, huh? I have gone to some, but they’re not much fun when you’re not with the right people anyways,”

Jesse snorted. He worked for a bar, and that was still the truest sentence he had ever heard.

“Why ‘for now’?” the guy asked, “you don’t like it red?”

_ [Was thinking of dyeing it another color soon. But I don’t know what yet.] _

“I wonder how it looks on you,”

There was a bit of a pause, because of what that sentence entailed. So Jesse typed up some more, silence never being his strongest suit.

_ [Why the question, by the way?] _

“Oh right,” like the guy forgot the purpose of the session, “so I know what mental image I’ll come to.”

Fuck.  _ Fuck.  _ Right.  _ That  _ was the purpose of this session.

_ [Tell me about yourself. What makes you feel good?] _

The guy on the screen smirked, like he had never been asked that before but also like he was used to hearing it. And maybe it turned Jesse on more than it should.

“Like my kinks?”

Jesse nodded, dumbfounded, before he realized how stupid that was, seeing as the guy couldn’t see him.

_ [Right, your kinks. What are you into? What makes you tick?] _

The guy let out a playful chuckle before biting on his bottom lip, effectively making Jesse want to groan out loud because  _ god,  _ could somebody be this turned on already? Without even seeing someone fully? Without the conversation having gone far yet?

“You mean, what makes me come?”

Yes. Yes, fuck, yes. Jesse wanted to know that. He definitely did.

_ [Yes. That.] _

He was so proud of himself for having actually typed and sent the words.

But the guy simply smirked, moving towards the screen. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Fuck, he was a tease. And  _ fuck,  _ did Jesse love a good tease.

_ [Only if you’re willing to tell.] _

“I like hypersensitivity,”

Jesse raised an eyebrow, not knowing a lot of people who had that kink. 

_ [Elaborate.] _

The guy bit his lip again, playing with the hem of his shirt. “Have you ever tried smoothing ice against your partner’s skin? Or blindfolding your partner and they react more because they can’t see what’s being done to them?”

Oh.  _ Oh.  _ Sensation play.  _ That  _ kind of hypersensitivity.

_ [Do you like feathers too? Or cloth?] _

Jesse could have sworn he heard the guy’s breath hitch, like he was already imaging it happening to him. He nodded slowly, bottom lip between his teeth, looking like he wanted to take his shirt off already, Jesse could tell. But Jesse had other plans.

_ [How do you usually pleasure yourself? Without wanting to satisfy someone else watching.] _

“Why?”

_ [I want you to do that, now. Nothing else. Just you and the way you make yourself feel good. Not because I want it, but because you do.] _

“And you’d want to watch me do that?”

_ [Yes. I really would.] _

Because he really did want to see it. If the guy said his kink was hypersensitivity, then Jesse figured he damn well knew  _ how _ to touch himself to make himself feel good, feel sensitive, enough to make himself come. And Jesse wanted to witness that. Witness him come apart in his rawest, truest form, all because he wanted pure pleasure.

“Wait here,” the guy said after a pause of hesitation, but he quickly came back to view with a medium sized pillow, small enough for him but sizable enough to be of use.

He stripped off his shirt slowly, letting it tease enough before he completely pulled it off, showing a defined chest and abs, arms that looked so delicious, Jesse immediately wondered what it would be like to bite into it. Then he knelt and shifted on the bed, pulling the hem of his shorts down to reveal the left side of his body, revealing jutting out hipbones and a deep v-line that made Jesse’s eyes widen. Goddammit, did he want to touch it.

“Should I continue?” he asked with a tinge of a tease in his voice, but also with a shallow breath, a tell of him getting worked up.

Jesse typed at lightning speed, pressing send immediately.

_ [Yes. Definitely yes.] _

The guy bit his lip again and lowered his shorts, lower and lower, until he pulled it off completely, leaving him bare naked in front of Jesse. His cock sprang free, hard and glistening at the tip, pre-cum already decorating it and  _ god fucking dammit,  _ Jesse wanted to lose his entire mind. He gulped, almost wanted to check if he was drooling, before the guy grabbed at the tip of his cock and let out a little whimper of surprise.

Jesse’s breath hitched, unable to stop himself from palming at his own sweatpants. He was hard enough, he could tell, but he wanted to see what the guy was willing to do first before he started doing anything himself.

The guy took the pillow, using one hand to smooth it down his body, breath quickening when it touched his hardening nipples.

Jesse couldn’t help but ask, so he tried his best to type, despite the shaking fingers. 

_ [Does that feel good? You like that?] _

He could tell it was a struggle to read, but the guy responded anyway. 

“ _ Yes,  _ I— _ ah—, _ ” he moaned, the pillow’s silk cover touching his nipples again, visibly shivering at the feeling.

Jesse bit at his own lip, breath shallowing and quickening, watching the screen like a hawk with intent. Then the guy lowered his other hand, smoothing down his side and over his abs and hips. Jesse was about to type to ask what he was going to do when he reached under him, and Jesse already  _ knew  _ what that meant.

The guy moaned again, a whimper mixed with a whine and  _ god  _ Jesse wanted to melt. He prodded at his entrance with a finger, before finally inserting one and fingered himself, all while using the silk-covered pillow to smooth all over his body. Jesse could tell when he added another finger, letting out another strangled moan as a reaction.

“How— _ ah— _ “ he moaned, struggling to speak, “h-how big are you?”

Jesse typed, fingers still shaking. 

_ [One more finger.] _

“ _ Fuck, _ ”

The guy inserted one more finger in him.

_ [Now spread them.] _

The guy visibly paused, almost like he was in disbelief.

“No way,” he said, despite his current state. “Wait, are you—?”

_ [Uhm. Half-American.] _

“Holy shit,”

He separated his fingers, moaning out loud and almost dropping the pillow, then bit on his bottom lip almost as if to catch himself. 

“Touch yourself,” he moaned. “I want you to touch yourself.”

Almost like he was begging. Jesse wanted to scream from being so fucking turned on.

_ [Only if you do the same.] _

“But I…”

_ [Please. I want you to touch yourself. I want you to feel good.] _

The guy on screen gulped, as Jesse saw, then nodded hurriedly, pulling his fingers out of him, shuddering as he did so. Then he sat on the silk pillow, whimpering when it touched his sensitive, stretched out hole, and wrapped shaking fingers around his cock. Jesse quickly removed his own sweatpants, smoothing it down his long legs and thumbed at his slit, already leaking with pre-cum.

_ [Come for me. Please. I want to see you.] _

The guy started grinding, started moving his hips against the pillow, rutting against it and whining every time it touched his well stretched entrance. Jesse could see the dancer hips now, as he rolled his hips with what seemed like expertise and habit, but could also tell he had control over it, and Jesse could see how he was a surfer too. If Jesse could just tell him, he would’ve asked him to ride him too, instead of just a surfboard.

He rolled his hips more, moans getting louder and louder the more he did, the more he pumped at his cock with sure movements. Jesse couldn’t help but time his hand with the movement of the guy’s hips, almost as if to imagine he was the one making him feel  _ that  _ good and moan  _ that  _ much. The guy moved his hips faster, going into a circulation motion that Jesse could just  _ imagine  _ how that must have felt like, if it had been happening to him for real. If the guy was rolling and circling his hips on top of him, riding him fast and with intent. Intent on driving himself over the edge.

He pumped himself more, Jesse could see the way his wrist moved faster, the way his voice pitched up higher as he grinder himself against the pillow, the silk getting wetter and stickier. Then he heard a crack in the guy’s voice, like a tell of some kind, and despite having known him only tonight, Jesse already  _ knew  _ what it meant.

“I’m—” he gasped, moving his hips faster against the pillow, “I’m gonna— _ ah—I’m— _ ”

Jesse was close too. But he waited for the guy to come, wanted to see it happening before he himself let go.

A few more grinds, a few more pumps, and the guy was moaning out loud and coming, sputtering white hot liquid and covering his own fingers with it. He visibly shook on screen, thighs tightening against the pillow and quivering, mouth hanging open and letting out the most delicious sound.

Jesse came soon after, because he couldn’t. He couldn’t, anymore. The guy’s skin turned red and flushed and Jesse really just couldn’t. He was too fucking beautiful.

The guy tried to even his breathing, letting himself go and pulling the pillow from under him. He tried to settle, catching his breath.

“Did you…” he gulped, “were you able to…”

Jesse scampered, used his clean, free hand to struggle to type.

_ [yes] _

The guy bit at his lip again, a shy smile appearing behind it and  _ god  _ Jesse wanted to give up on everything and just keep staring at that smile. Like it was the only thing that mattered in the world.

The smile slowly disappeared, as if the guy realized something.

“Your time…”

Jesse checked the counter on the site, and his time really was slowly running out. Fuck, he should’ve put more.

_ [Right. Guess we were on here a long time.] _

The guy giggled. Jesse wanted to bottle it up and put it in his pocket so he could open it whenever he needed a cheer-up.

“Guess so. I hope it was worth it?”

_ [Definitely. Will you be working tomorrow?] _

The guy shook his head, “Next week. Same day, same schedule.”

Jesse already couldn’t wait to spend more.

_ [Of course. I hope it’s okay if I want to see you again?] _

“Yep. I mean, pays the bills and all that,”

They laugh together, except it was only Jesse who could hear both ends. So he typed a message to reassure him that he found it funny.

_ [You’re fun to talk to :)] _

The guy smiled again, then suddenly spotted something in a corner.

“Hey, uhm. Thank you for tonight,”

_ [For what? Paying the bills?] _

The guy laughed again. “No, no, I mean,” then he smiled, almost hesitated, but continued talking anyway. “For making me feel good. Letting me make myself feel good. I usually don’t get people like that. Thank you.”

Jesse’s breath hitched. How were the others to him, anyway? He seemed to be the sweetest. Like he deserved the world at his feet.

_ [No need to thank me. You deserve a good night. :)] _

The guy shook his head. “Still. Thank you. I hope you book again?”

_ [I will! :)] _

“I’ll see you then. Goodnight,”

Jesse was typing up a reply when the window suddenly grayed out, indicating that his time had run out.

“Fuck,” he said, frustrated. He wanted to say goodnight back.

He cleaned up anyway, after, wiped at himself with tissue before going to the shower to clean himself up completely, coming again for good measure as he imagined a deep v-line, abs and chest, a strangled moan.  _ Fuck. _

Then he settled himself on his bed, staring at his ceiling, consumed by the thoughts of a voice, of a name he didn’t even know, of a face he could barely see. Of a guy he had no clue who was, but couldn’t get off his mind. He was supposed to just fuck and forget. Or rather, jack off and forget. Damn it.

Jesse tried to sleep, tried to chase it down and let it consume him.

Except what consumed him was the fact that his heart was beating too damn fast to his liking, and it was all because of a guy he saw on a computer screen.

Fuck.

He was so damn screwed.

* * *

He tried to watch one of his public sessions. He really did.

It wasn’t like it was completely uncomfortable. Of course, this was the same guy. Same guy who had consumed his waking hours and sleepless nights the past week. So it wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy seeing the guy get himself off. But what he didn’t really enjoy was seeing everyone else’s comments in the chat box. Public sessions meant it was paid for all to see, a smaller fee than the private ones of course, and shared by everyone who paid that small fee. So it meant there was a running chat box at the side, where everyone would send requests and instructions of what they wanted to see and what they wanted him to do.

Jesse didn’t like that. Didn’t like that they said them mindlessly, sent the words like they cost a yen a letter and they were buying each move that the guy did. Jesse didn’t like that they saw him as an object.

And Jesse didn’t like that the guy, of course, had no choice but to follow the words.

He could tell by the way the moans weren’t all that genuine. That they sounded different from that first time they spent together. Could tell that his hips swayed but they didn’t  _ grind  _ like what he did. Could tell that he didn’t smile in  _ that certain way,  _ or he didn’t laugh. Not at all. Could tell that his movements were more calculated rather than pleasurable.

Maybe he was thinking too much of things. Maybe he was overanalyzing. But it really felt different. The public sessions were for show. And he was close to doing that during their private session, had Jesse told him not. Was he used to doing that? Was he used to doing this to satisfy others instead of himself? Was that why he thanked Jesse so much that first time?

He made a mental note not to watch the public sessions again. But Jesse already dreaded what the guy had to do with all his other private ones. Was it more of what the public ones were, or did he enjoy? Jesse wouldn’t dare deny that he was uncomfortable with that thought, whichever it might be. If he didn’t enjoy them, then Jesse didn’t like the idea of him having to go through that type of toleration. But if the guy  _ did _ enjoy them, then that meant that he enjoyed it with anyone other than...him.

Yea, Jesse was definitely uncomfortable with that thought. He didn’t know why exactly, but he really  _ really  _ was.

So he made sure to book for extra time that night, because their last session was so rudely interrupted and cut short by his stupid budget. He wasn’t going to let that happen tonight. Tonight, the guy was going to enjoy more. Because Jesse had a plan for tonight. A plan he hoped the guy would like.

And maybe he was a little excited about it, so he really hoped it would work.

He pressed the blue button again and waited for the screen to load and appear. This time, he chose the voice option, so he could talk to the guy while they had their session. Which would be needed too, for what he was planning. For what he hoped would work, anyway.

“Hey,” the guy appeared on screen, right up to his lips, a bright smile decorating it like he just lit up when Jesse appeared. “I was waiting for you.”

Okay, no need to make Jesse’s heart want to burst completely, but sure. Fine. Jesse could handle this. Of course he could. Now if only the butterflies would stop making him want to puke and pass out, thank you very much.

“R-right,” he stuttered, then cleared his throat, “sorry, I was trying to uh, fix the—”

“ _ Oh, _ ”

The guy sat up straight, surprised. If Jesse saw right, then he just saw him visibly shiver. “Oh, uhm,” he said again, shifting on the bed.

“Why?” Jesse panicked. Had he done something wrong? “What is it? Did I say something? Sorry I took long, I didn’t know that—”

“No, no, I was just,” the guy said, waving his hand. Then he gulped, or at least that’s what Jesse thought he did. Did he? “You… your voice. I didn’t notice you turn on the voice option.”

Oh, right. He didn’t say.

“Right, sorry, is it okay?” because he hadn’t exactly asked. He forgot to, and he should have. The guy might not have been comfortable with it. “I can turn it off if you want, it’s not really—”

“So this is what you sound like?” he said, a bite to his bottom lip again and effectively making Jesse’s heart do somersaults inside his chest.

“Uh, yea. Natural voice and all. Can you hear me clearly?”

“I can,”

“That’s great,”

“You sound good,”

“Oh, uh? Thank you?”

“You sound…  _ really  _ good,” then he gulped again, playing with the hem of shirt. Jesse concluded that it had been a tell of his, of him wanting to take it off. He wanted to take off his shirt after… he listened to... 

Right. Right, okay. Maybe Jesse needed to calm down. Needed to gather himself and make sure to take things one step at a time because if he went for it too early on, then the night was going to be over too soon and too fast and he didn’t want that. The more time he could spend with the guy, he wanted it.

“Are you… into…” Jesse didn’t know exactly how to ask it. But the guy answered anyway, as if already understood the underlying question.

“You really should’ve turned on the voice option the first time,” he said, a hand travelling under his shirt. “Can you talk some more?”

Jesse could, but he also didn’t want to be the only one. “But I wanna hear you.”

The guy smirked. “Trust me,” he said, “talk some more and you’ll  _ definitely  _ hear me.”

Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck.  _ Jesse was such a goner. In all the ways possible. He laughed nervously, small chuckles that sounded boyish but was also in a deeper baritone, sound coming out hushed and low. And he could have sworn the guy moved closer to the camera then, like he was increasing the volume to his laptop.

“I actually,” Jesse spoke up. Here goes nothing. “I have something prepared tonight. I mean, not from my end, but yours. Hopefully you have it?”

“Hmm? You want me to do something for you?”

“No, uhm. For you. I want you to do something but for you. To feel good. So you feel good again,”

The guy chuckled, “So who’s really on the paying end here?”

Jesse laughed low, shifting on his seat. “You might like it.”

“I better, or so help me—”

“Do you have a blindfold?”

The guy’s breath hitched.

“I… I have,” he closed his mouth, licked at his lips, “why?”

“Can you put it on?” Jesse’s voice indicated both a request and command, and he hoped that was okay. But by the looks of how the guy reacted, he seemed to like it. “So you don’t have to struggle to hide from me tonight. Just for tonight. I have something in mind.”

The guy licked at his lips again, then nodded. “Okay, wait.”

He went ahead to get his blindfold, Jesse guessed, while he himself wiped his palms on his sweatpants, admittedly a bit nervous now with his plan. But he really wanted it to happen, so he tried to make sure his nerves didn’t come through his voice.

The guy was supposed to go back to the bed when Jesse talked again.

“And ice. A glass of ice,”

When he was done looking, the guy came back, took his shirt off, and put the blindfold on, adjusting the camera so Jesse could see him, but still not recognize him because his eyes were covered. “Is this okay?” he said, kneeling on the bed, boxers covered legs spread enough to be a tease, a tilt to his head that was both incredibly adorable and sexy.

“Yes,” Jesse said, voice thick, heartbeat quickening. “Can you put the ice between your lips?”

The guy nodded and grabbed an ice cube, kissed it softly then darted his tongue out to have a lick. Then he kissed it again for good measure, trapping it between full, red lips, swollen from the cold. The ice started melting and dripping down the side of his mouth, and Jesse wanted nothing more than to lick it off of him.

He balled his hand into a fist.  _ Calm down, Jesse. Calm down. _

“Now,” he spoke again, surprised his voice didn’t crack, “grab the ice and drag it down your neck, and lower.”

With shallow breaths, the guy nodded again and followed Jesse’s instructions, biting at his lip when the ice touched his heated skin.

“I…” Jesse just wanted to try. Maybe it’ll lead to somewhere good. Maybe. “I really want to lick it off you.”

The guy let out a strangled moan, fingers holding the ice shaking as it touched his throat. “Y-you… you want to…”

“To see what it tastes like on your skin,”

The ice moved lower, almost as if the guy was imagining it to be Jesse’s lips, wanting Jesse to kiss down, down, down, towards his collarbone, towards his chest. Then he hesitated to move towards his nipple, but Jesse was already ahead of him.

“Around it, then on it,” he said. “Slowly. The way you would want it.”

With shaking hands still, the guy moved the still melting ice around one of his nipples, circling it slowly, teasing himself. Jesse watched with intent, focusing on the way the guy’s hands moved on his body, having more and more difficulty to breathe. 

“Does it feel good?” he asked with a whisper. “Do you like that?”

The guy nodded hurriedly, mouth hanging open to release another small moan. “ _ Yes, _ ” he said, breathless, ice directly on his nipple now, while his other hand clawed at his thigh, lowering his tight boxers.

“Just listen to me, yea?”

“Okay…” he switched to the other nipple, Jesse noticing that the one he abandoned had turned red from the increased temperature.  _ God,  _ did he want to just—

“It’s alright. You can take it off,” Jesse instructed. The guy responded by fisting his boxers and maneuvering his way out of them, throwing it to the side almost impatiently.

“I’d want to kiss lower, given the chance,” Jesse chimed in, the guy moving the ice lower, towards his torso, towards his abs. “All over.”

He traced the lines on his skin with the ice, leaving a wet trail that Jesse wanted nothing more than to make even wetter with his own tongue. The guy took it slow and slower, teasing himself, making himself breathe harder and shallower, teeth sinking into his bottom lip.

“Can I hear you?” Jesse asked on impulse, not really expecting anything. But the guy moaned in response, quiet and contained, but it traveled all over Jesse’s system, still. His voice pitched up higher the lower he moved the ice, lower and lower, towards where he wanted it most. He let out a whine when the ice traced his v-line, like it felt like something else completely.

“Was that good?”

“Y-you feel—” he whined, “—you feel  _ good. _ ”

He said so suddenly, Jesse almost couldn’t believe it was real. His ears rang with the words, wanting to ask if he  _ did  _ hear right.

“Did you just—”

“You feel really good,”

“I…”

_ You?  _ You, as in Jesse? Did the guy mean him? Does that mean… was he imagining—

The guy moaned again, a little more desperate, a lot more heavy. He lowered the melting ice, lower and lower, towards his aching and wanting cock, but not quite there yet.

“Do you like the way I kiss you?” Jesse asked as a try, and the guy nodded vigorously, teasing himself with the ice. He inched it towards his cock, but didn’t exactly let it touch, gasping at it moved closer and closer.

“Wait are you… imagining that I’m—” Jesse had to ask. He had to make sure for his own sanity.

“ _ Yes, _ ” the guy didn’t even let him finish talking, hands shaking as struggled to hold the ice. 

“ _ Fuck,  _ I’m going to lose my mind,” Jesse couldn’t help but say out loud, but the guy moaned more as a reaction, lost in his own thoughts and the sound of Jesse’s voice.

Jesse gathered himself, trying to anchor himself back to reality. Even though reality was pretty much mind blowing that moment. Speaking of blowing.

“Will you let me touch you? Kiss you there?”

The guy didn’t even answer, just lowered the ice towards his cock, gasping loud like he had been waiting long for Jesse’s signal, for him to touch himself there. The ice melted against his incredibly heated skin, earning reaction after reaction, loud moans and whines and desperate whimpers that Jesse could never get enough of. That Jesse was slowly getting used to. He could hear the certain quirks with each pitch higher, how the guy would hit different notes when touched a certain way, as he watched the screen. Jesse took note of what made him moan louder, for, well, science. And future references. Maybe. Hopefully.

The ice had finally run out, Jesse noticed, but the guy still pumped at his cock with slow movements, teasing himself and making himself last longer, harder. Hard for Jesse.  _ Because  _ of Jesse’s doing. Jesse still couldn’t process that part.

“Get another,” Jesse said, surprising himself with how demanding he had sounded. The guy hurriedly reached for another ice cube, still pumping at his cock with sure movements. He was about to place it there again when Jesse spoke up. “Not there. Put it where you want it. Where I would want to put it.”

Gasping, the guy licked at the ice again before he dragged it across his skin, his whole body, lowering it until he reached underneath, past his cock and towards his waiting hole.

“Around.  _ Slowly.  _ I want you to feel it all over you,” Jesse’s voice was thick with want, his hand traveling across his thighs and pulling down his sweatpants already, unable to hold himself back anymore. His cock sprang free from its constraints, hard and waiting, glistening at the tip with pre-cum. As if on cue, the guy moaned out loud, a strangled one that sounded so utterly delicious, it went straight to Jesse’s cock.

The guy was circling his entrance with the ice cube, rimming and teasing himself, feeling a tingling sensation all over his body. Jesse watched as the guy shook and shivered, the ice cube making him feel more sensitive.

“Around it. Just around it,” Jesse managed to say. “Spread your legs.”

Moaning louder, the guy followed the instructions, spreading his legs, thick thighs separating to accommodate the ice cube between supple cheeks. He kept rimming himself, making loud noises that Jesse really could not believe he was causing, waiting for the next thing Jesse was going to make him do.

“Now, press,” Jesse said, the same time as he wrapped a steady hand around the head of his cock, “careful. Do it carefully. The way you would like it.”

The guy pressed the hurriedly melting ice lightly at his entrance, gasping when the tight skin puckered around the cold cube, hand pumping at his cock moving faster. He moaned loudly, louder than earlier even, Jesse guessing he must have enjoyed it a lot more than he thought he would.

“Feels so— _ ah _ —”

Jesse felt that moan travel all over his system.  _ God,  _ he really was getting used to hearing it.

“ _ Inside, _ ” the guy begged with a heady whimper, “ _ please.  _ I want you inside.”

Jesse bit his bottom lip, trying to control himself. “Fingers.”

“But the ice—”

“Three. Reach deep inside. One at a time,”

The guy gulped, discarded the ice somewhere on his tangled sheets, and licked at his fingers. He coated them enough with his saliva then inserted one, two, three, stretching himself wider, reaching deep inside him. Jesse pumped at his own cock the same time as he did, watching through half-lidded eyes as his heart beat faster and faster. 

“Do you want it faster?”

The guy responded by fingering himself faster, pumping at his cock quicker, Jesse matching his pace with his own hand. The blindfold around the guy’s eyes moved ever so slightly, and  _ fuck  _ was Jesse  _ so fuckng close  _ to seeing him. So close to seeing his eyes and seeing who he really was. Who made his heart want to scream.

“Curl them,” he instructed and guessed that the guy followed, because he moaned again then gasped loudly, in a different way, breath caught in his throat. It was the first time Jesse heard that sound.

“What’s your—” he gasped again, “I need your—”

“W-what is it?” Jesse could barely respond. Barely form the words and voice them out.

“ _ Please, _ ” the guy begged desperately, gasping again, and it sounded so different. Like he had reached another high, reached deep inside and hit something when he curled—

Oh shit, did he—

“Your name. What’s your—” he gasped one more time, almost as if to confirm Jesse’s theory. “— _ name? _ ”

“My what?” Jesse was close to being delirious, couldn’t exactly comprehend what was being asked of him, riding too much on ecstasy. “My—”

“Name. I wanna know your—” another gasp, another gasp that Jesse wanted to drink down his throat, “name.  _ Please. _ ”

“Jesse,” Jesse responded on impulse, the guy responding as well with a strangled moan, higher and louder.

“ _ Jesse, _ ” he said, wrapping Jesse’s name around another moan, another gasp, a desperate whimper as he increased the pace of his fingers inside of him, his fingers around his cock. “ _ Jesse _ —ah—I’m...” he could barely make sense, but Jesse understood anyway.

“ _ Fuck, _ ” Jesse cursed, pumping at his own cock, movements becoming staggered the more he drove himself over the edge. He groaned out loud when the guy spread his legs more, stretching himself, moving faster, getting louder.

“I’m—” the guy choked on a moan, then let out another audible gasp, “ _ Jess, I’m gonna _ —”

Jess.

_ Jess. Jess. Jess. _

That was the first time Jesse heard his name uttered like that. Sounding incredibly intoxicating, Jesse couldn’t have enough of it.

A few moments later, the guy let out another loud gasp, a long and loud moan following it, convulsing and shaking as he came hard. The blindfold was  _ dangerously  _ close to revealing his true identity, but even if it did, Jesse wouldn’t have noticed anyway. Because the moment the guy came, white hot liquid coating his still pumping fingers, Jesse came soon after, prolonging his own climax, dragging it out by tightening his hand around his own cock. Then the guy moaned again, moaned out his name, sounding like he was consumed by it and  _ god fucking dammit,  _ did Jesse want to tattoo the sound into his memory. Repeat it over and over, a broken record that he wouldn’t mind not fixing.

The guy panted, chest heaving up and down as he tried to gather air back into his lungs. He finally adjusted the blindfold, the cloth almost falling from his eyes, depriving Jesse of knowing who he was. Jesse tried to calm himself back down, panting as well, the guy’s voice still ringing in his head.

_ Jess. _

Fuck,  _ fuck,  _ he really was consumed.

“Actually,” he said in between breaths, reaching for the nearby wet wipes to clean himself. Then he chuckled. “My name is Terada Kokoro,” he joked, earning a hearty and breathy laughter from the guy on the computer screen, who had made his heart skip a beat once more.  _ God,  _ that laugh. The guy continued laughing as he reached for his own towel, wiping at himself.

“Of course it is,”

“What about you? What’s your name?”

Then the guy paused.

Jesse realized after a few heartbeats that maybe he shouldn’t have asked that question. Or not yet, at least. He was about to speak again, apologize or something for crossing the line somewhat, ready to regret the question, when the guy smiled at him playfully.

“Hi, I’m Ashida Mana,” he joked back, putting his boxers on again as he laughed and made Jesse laugh too. Jesse was glad he shared the same sense of humour. Even more because it was rare that he knew people like that, people at his speed.

“Ah right, I should’ve known,” they laughed again. “No, seriously. What’s your name? If it’s okay?”

“Oh, that really is my name,”

Jesse laughed some more. “Unfair, you know mine,” he groaned out, but with a smile on his lips still.

“I mean, you said it, so...”

“But you asked for it!” they laughed again, and it was starting to be Jesse’s favorite harmony. Their laughter put together sounded like it had always meant to be that way.

“Really, I did? Hmm, I don’t recall,”

“That was just a few minutes ago!” Jesse laughed some more, deep chuckles that turned hearty, all genuine and sincere. He was glad he didn’t have to use his fake laugh for the guy too. Like he was comfortable being his entire self with him. Jesse didn’t really know what that meant, for now. “You literally just asked and I said, and you were even in the middle of—”

“Shin,”

Jesse’s breath hitched.

It was so quiet that Jesse almost didn’t catch it. Muttered by full lips swollen, by a voice that sounded shy but still sure, by a boy who seemed like he deserved a whole lotta love and then some.

A name to a voice, a laugh, a smile. A name to a boy he didn’t yet know, but was glad he was starting to.

_ Shin. _

If Jesse could count every single beat of his heart, he was pretty sure it would spell out that name.

“That’s really beautiful,” he said, not really caring if it sounded incredibly serious and heartfelt. It was the truth.

Shin hugged himself, almost like shielding himself somehow, feeling a tiny bit vulnerable that he had willingly and unregrettably told Jesse a part of him he didn’t really tell anyone else. Any of the ones he didn’t know that well, at least. But then he realized that it was Jesse. And with Jesse, it was fine. So he relaxed and smiled again.

“Thank you,”

“For asking your name?”

“For making me feel like I could trust you enough with it,”

Jesse was going to cry. He really was. “Of course,” he took a deep breath. “I’m honoured.”

“I like your name too, Kokoro,” Shin said with a smirk.

Jesse laughed again, and Shin laughed with him. “Hey, don’t wear it out.”

Shin smiled. Jesse decided it was his favorite smile. “I won’t,” he said, then checked the running time. “Hey, you have more time tonight.”

“Right, I uh… I put in more because I was thinking I wanted to, uhm, spend more time. You know, together? Or? Is that— uhm, would that be okay? I just, yea,”

Shin nodded. “So Jess,” he said, effectively making Jesse want to  _ melt,  _ “Jesse. Half-American. Pays attention. Seems like he enjoys chatting. Good with words. Tall, I’m guessing?”

“184cm,”

“Wow,  _ really  _ tall,” Shin smiled again. “What else? Ah, right, also lets me enjoy what I like instead of demanding for what he wants. Plus points for that.”

“Plus points? What are the points for?”

“A secret, for now,” Shin teased.

“And Shin,” Jesse responded, “pretty smile, pretty laugh, pretty voice. I’m guessing pretty eyes?”

“I sure hope so,”

“Pretty good company,”

“Right back at you,”

“And pretty damn amazing,”

“Are you flirting?”

“Is it working?” Jesse smirked. He was, but he wasn’t sure if Shin thought that was a joke or not.

But Shin just smiled, bit at his bottom lip, looking shy.

“Maybe,”

Jesse smiled back.

And he put his heart on his sleeve, talking with Shin until his time had run out and they had to bid their goodbyes, promising another meeting the week after.

“Make sure you look nice!” Shin said, waving.

Jesse furrowed his eyebrows, curious, “Why?”

“Oh, right. I’m turning on the two-way option,”

“You’re—” Jesse almost fell from his chair, hurriedly sitting up straight, “wait, you’re what? Shin, what??”

“See you next week!”

Before Jesse could respond in protest, the time had run out and closed Shin’s video. Jesse stared at the profile, blinking once, twice, before finally realizing what Shin said.

_ See you next week. _

_ See you. _

Shin was going to see him. Actually see him, this time. Shin was going to turn on the two-way option, the fucking two-way video option, and  _ see  _ him.

And Jesse had no fucking clue what he was going to do.

* * *

Five times. He had changed his shirt five times now. Five fucking times and he  _ still  _ wasn’t satisfied. Not even close.

“I look like an idiot,” Jesse talked to himself, looking into the mirror and seriously judging his fashion choices. “Ugh, I looked like a tool in the other shirt, a homeless guy in the other one, and now I look like an idiot. What the fuck?”

How did one even dress for two-way sessions? How did one dress for a two-way session with a really great guy whom Jesse was excited as fuck to see, especially when the two-way session was going to end up with them taking all their clothes off anyway and having really hot and sexy but also beautiful camera sex?

_ Ugh.  _ He should just wear nothing. The clothes were coming off later anyway.

_ Make sure you look nice! _

Shin’s voice echoed in his mind, and  _ fine,  _ okay, Jesse had to look nice. Even if Shin hadn’t told him to, he still wanted to. Because this was  _ Shin,  _ and this was a big deal. Even though that thought scared him, that he thought of Shin as a big deal. But Jesse waved that thought away for now. Because  _ now,  _ he had to find a shirt that looked good on him and didn’t make him look like an idiot.

Jesse rummaged through his closet and finally found something that at least made him look decent. It was a dark green button down that was fit enough on his figure but also loose enough to make him breathe, looking like it was ironed recently, and he thanked his earlier self for doing that because the shirt looked like it was his last hope. He paired it with skinny jeans but didn’t bother with shoes, and as he was styling his hair with wax he told himself how stupid he was being because he was  _ not  _ going on a date. Not physically, at least. Shin wouldn’t even see his hair, for fuck’s sake, he really should just calm the fuck down.

It wasn’t even a date at all. He was literally going to go on a site made for people who paid to see others get themselves off. And yet he cared so much what he was going to look like. There was something inherently unusual about the current state he was in, but Jesse refused to acknowledge what exactly it was.

But Jesse shook his head, told his thoughts to shut the fuck up, and sat down. Then he finally opened and pressed the button on Shin’s page, the seconds ticking down to the assigned meeting time feeling like  _ hours  _ for Jesse. He sat on his seat, antsy, wiping his sweaty hands against his jeans and trying his best to stay calm. Then he smelled a whiff of cologne and remembered he put it on and thought of how stupid he was again because it wasn’t like Shin could  _ smell  _ him from across the screen. Jesse really was out of it, that night.

The stream started loading and Jesse held his breath.

Shin appeared on screen not long after, up to his lips that were already decorated with a small smile, never failing to make the butterflies in Jesse’s stomach dance vigorously. “Hey,” he said, voice warm and pitching up higher, as if to say he was excited that Jesse was there. “Wait let me just…”

Fuck, okay. Here goes nothing.

Shin pressed on the two-way option, Jesse making sure the camera caught only up to his lips as well, shifting on his seat as his nerves went haywire, heart beating wildly. The window changed to where he could see both himself and Shin, the videos next to each other on screen.

“There, I can—” Shin said, then he paused for a while and seemed to have focused. “Hey,” he said again, breathier, almost like he was sighing. “Jesse.”

Jesse gulped.  _ Focus, Jesse, focus. Never mind that the way he said your name basically makes you want to melt into a puddle of goo.  _ “Hey Shin,” he said back.

Shin bit at his lip. Jesse  _ really  _ wanted to be the one doing that to Shin’s lips. Or rather, he wanted Shin to bite at  _ his  _ lips instead. Anyway.

“You…” Shin started, “you could’ve said we needed to dress up, I’m just in a hoodie and sweatpants.” He pouted, pointing at what he was wearing: a black hoodie and matching black shorts.

“What? No, hey,” Jesse stuttered, “are you kidding? You look good! You always look good.”

“But you look nice, you dressed up and all,”

“You said to, uhm, look nice,”

“And you really do,”

“Yea but  _ you _ don’t need to dress up to look nice because you always do anyway,” Jesse said, not as flattery but as the truth. Shin always managed to look immaculate, even in something simple. It was probably because he knew how to carry himself properly.

Shin smiled. “You flatter me.”

Jesse shook his head, “It’s the truth. I was just—”

“Can you turn your head to the side?”

Jesse followed, turning his head towards the right. 

“Cute moles,” Shin giggled. He actually  _ giggled.  _ Jesse was going to combust.

“I have more but…”

“I like your shirt,” Shin said in another tone, voice thicker, like he was turned on. Jesse had folded the long sleeves up to his elbows, the two top buttons of the button up undone, his collarbones peeking underneath it. And it was more than enough to want Shin to just keep staring. How could someone look  _ so good  _ and he hadn’t seen all of him yet? “The color looks great on you. Dark green rarely fits people, but it looks great. You should wear more of those.”

“Thanks,” Jesse smiled, suddenly shy.

“Too bad it’s gonna come off soon,”

Oh.

Right, right. It was. It was going to come off soon. Jesse was going to take off the shirt and show himself to Shin. Right.

“R-right,” he stuttered again, unusual for him, since he always knew how to respond.

“You seem… young. You’re not younger than me, are you?”

“1996,”

“Oh,” Shin liked that Jesse was older, somehow. Ignited something in him. “1996…?”

“Uh, June 11th. Gemini,”

“Ah, explains a lot,” Shin giggled again. “Jesse, half-American, Gemini. Older than me. Really tall. Looks good in green.”

“I should put that on my Instagram,”

“Credits please, thank you,” Shin smiled.

Jesse relaxed more, knowing that Shin didn’t mind what he was seeing across his screen. He seemed to be fine with his view, at least. Then Shin bit at his lip, and somehow Jesse already knew what he was going to ask.

“Can you hold up your hand?” he asked, shifting on the bed.

Jesse held up his hand, spreading his fingers even though he wasn’t asked to, checking to see Shin’s reaction on screen. The other boy hitched a breath, moving closer. “They’re…” he said, “thick. Aren’t they?”

“Calloused too,”

“Really?”

“I play guitar,”

“Oh, so you’re good with…”

“My hands? Yea. Especially the fingers,” Jesse wiggled the digits for good measure.

Shin gulped. “Right,” he bit on his bottom lip, “what else can you do with your hands?”

Jesse blinked. He could do a hell of a lot with his hands, especially on Shin’s body, had he been given the privilege to touch. But that was for another conversation.

“It depends on what you want me to do with them,”

“Can they take off a shirt?”

Jesse smirked. “Only if your hands do the same.”

“My hands will be busy with something else,” Shin responded. “Come on, Jess, you’ve watched me enough. My turn now. I’ll do something in return, promise.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow, interested. Seemed like Shin had a plan, so okay, he let it play out. “Fine then,” he said, then reached for his buttons, “do you want a striptease while we’re at it?”

Shin smirked. “Wouldn’t that be a sight?”

Jesse slowly unbuttoned his shirt, Shin watching him across the screen, biting on his lip. He gulped as Jesse undid the buttons one by one, like he was taunting him with each move, and Shin didn’t even mind. He saw the way Jesse’s fingers held them and released them, and wanted nothing more than to know what it felt like to be handled by those fingers. Thick, long, calloused and looked like they knew  _ exactly  _ what to do to make him scream. 

Shin parted his lips as he watched Jesse, then released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding when Jesse was finally done, shirt hanging loose as it was opened. He took it off completely and discarded it, Shin watching with intent. Then Jesse hesitated with his skinny jeans, holding onto the hem.

“Please?” Shin whispered, voice pitching higher, a pout to his voice and lips that Jesse really couldn’t resist.

Jesse ended up removing his jeans in one go, tight boxers remaining, tented in the middle. Shin widened his eyes, but he eventually realized Jesse couldn’t see that reaction.

“No need for any jaw dropping,” Jesse said with a chuckle.

Shin closed his mouth, not realizing he had kept it open and was gaping wide. “I…” he said, gulping, seeing the size of the tent. “It’s really… wow, you weren’t joking.”

“Uhm,” Jesse shifted, not really sure what to do with his hands. “Thanks, I guess?”

“Can I…” Shin bit his lip, “see it?”

Jesse chuckled. “Seems a bit unfair I’m the only one in my boxers, isn’t it?”

Shin pursed his lips together, looking like he was contemplating something. Jesse’s heart pounded in his chest, anticipating what was to come next.

“Alright,” Shin finally said, “but I’m gonna turn around first.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Jesse wondered why Shin was being shy now when he wasn’t the last few times. It wasn’t like Jesse hadn’t already seen him. Especially if it was just his upper body. But he indulged Shin anyway, watched him turn around on the bed, his back to him.

“I really…” Shin said, voice suddenly thick, “enjoyed the ice and blindfold from last time.”

“Oh, right, you’re welcome,”

Shin shifted on the bed, kneeling low. “And I thought of a way to thank you,” he looked over his shoulder, and Jesse swore he felt his arousal kickstart. “So I hope you like it.”

Jesse gulped, suddenly nervous as to what was to come. He saw Shin grab at the end of his hoodie, slowly raising it, up and up, until he pulled it over his head and discarded it somewhere in the room. And Jesse felt like all the breath left in his lungs had disappeared, his blood traveling down, shooting towards his cock. Because  _ no way. _

Red. It was red. 

_ Really  _ red, the kind of red that glossy cherries had before they were popped into someone’s mouth and enjoyed to the fullest. The straps at the back had an intricate criss-cross pattern, and Jesse could only imagine how much effort it took to put it on because it looked really complicated. But it looked like they were detachable too, seeing a hook that connected to the beautiful lace pattern adorning Shin’s back and accentuating his back muscles, framing him perfectly. Shin looked over his shoulder again, lips full and parted and slightly redder from how much he had bitten it. And, had it not been pathetic, Jesse would have come right then and there.

And he hadn’t even seen the front yet.  _ Fuck. _

“When y-you,” Jesse stuttered, “told me to look nice I didn’t expect you’d wear…”

Lingerie.  _ Lace  _ lingerie. Red lace lingerie that looked so fucking divine, Jesse was going to lose his entire mind and he wouldn’t regret it a single bit.

Shin slowly turned around, and yup. Yea. Jesse could come, he really could, because  _ holy fucking shit. _

The floral design of the lace hugged Shin’s chest, front cupping Shin’s pecs perfectly. There was more of the criss-cross pattern of the straps as they held the top up, and a tiny red bow in the middle of it, almost as if to taunt Jesse, making him inch more towards his insanity.

“Fuck,” he cursed out loud, eyes traveling downwards, towards the silk red band tight around Shin’s torso and emphasizing his abs. It had more lace, more complicated straps, more reason to make Jesse forget his own name. There were more, more, until…

Shin held onto the garter of his sweatpants, and Jesse now processed why he had worn those instead of his usual shorts.

“Should I take them off?”

“Yes,” Jesse answered not a heartbeat later, already anticipating what the garment looked like. Because judging from what he had already seen, it was going to make him want to scream into the heavens how lucky he was for having been witnessed this moment.

Shin slowly took the sweatpants off, revealing tight lace briefs that matched the top, leaving  _ extremely  _ little to the imagination. He discarded the sweatpants and knelt again, spread his legs apart, making Jesse’s cock harden even more under his boxers because  _ fuck.  _ Multiple red silk straps hugged Shin’s thighs, and one strap connected to red lace stockings that all but made Jesse want to combust. There was a tent underneath the lace briefs, and while Jesse had seen Shin multiple times, this one had a different effect.

“Jess…” Shin whispered, a whimper at the end of his word. “Uhm, surprise?” He saw the tent of Jesse’s boxers, bigger now, and he just had to say something. “You seem to like it?”

“Are you kidding?” Jesse’s voice was thick, a groan that he couldn’t keep in anymore releasing after. “You absolutely blow my mind. This is insane. I can’t believe this is happening to me. What did I ever do to deserve this?”

Shin giggled. He actually fucking  _ giggled.  _ Jesse was going to lose it any minute. “Don’t cry now.”

“I really will, no lie,”

“Do you want it off or on?” Shin asked with a tilt to his head, and Jesse was  _ so damn close _ to seeing his eyes. A little more, and he would’ve seen Shin entirely.

“I honestly really don’t even know how to answer that question. I think my brain malfunctioned,”

“That or you’re letting your cock think for you,”

“Shin,  _ please, _ ” Jesse was having so much sexual whiplash and he was enjoying every single second of it. “This is going to end too soon.”

Shin laughed. “We haven’t even done anything!”

“ _ Exactly, _ ” Jesse groaned, so much sexual frustration coursing through his system. Eventually though, he took a deep breath, then tried to gather himself together. “Can you still show even if it’s on?”

Shin smirked. “I can, yea,” he lowered one of the straps as proof, the front of the top lowering to reveal the darkened skin around one of his nipples. “You  _ really  _ like this don’t you?”

“I really fucking do,”

Shin spread his thighs again. “Okay then,” he said, then suddenly ran his hand up his body, caressing his skin and the lingerie. Then he traced his full lower lip with his pointer finger, before inserting the finger in his mouth and sucking it in, cheeks hollowing while he did so.

Jesse clawed at his own thighs, blunt nails digging deep, as if feeling Shin’s mouth around himself. Shin pulled out his finger, wet from saliva and shining under the dim light, before inserting two, licking around them expertly and with precision. Couldn’t resist, Jesse moved his hand towards his inner thigh, so close to touching himself on camera where Shin could see, hesitating because he wanted Shin to focus on himself instead of watching.

“I want to see you,” Shin whispered around his own fingers, kissing his fingertips. “Please, Jesse. I want to see all of you.”

“Touch yourself more,” Jesse responded. He wanted to give Shin what he was asking, but he also wanted to see what more Shin could do with lace, silk, and the way it was hugging him tight. “I want to see you touch and pleasure yourself.”

Shin let out a whimper, pulling his fingers out of his mouth and touching his nipples with it. He lowered the cups of the top and revealed his chest, circling his nipples with wet fingers and teasing himself, and in turn, Jesse too. When he finally touched the hardened buds, he gasped, letting out a high pitched sound at the end of it that Jesse wanted to keep playing on repeat. As if reading his mind, Shin made the sound again as he pressed, peaks sensitive and tender under his touch. He ended up rolling his hips as a reaction, almost as if on instinct, body shaking the slightest with each time pleasure shot through him.

Jesse let out another groan, having more of a difficulty keeping himself in check, cock hardening under the constraints of his boxers. Shin touched all over his body, moaning Jesse’s name and imagining it was his hands that were on his skin, igniting him like a matching striking to light a fire. He clawed at his own thighs, the lace briefs already a dark hue in the middle, a sign of the pre-cum already leaking at his tip, making Jesse’s mind blank and his pupils dilated. Shin lowered the lace briefs and pulled out his hard cock, glistening at the tip, letting out a desperate moan when the cool air greeted him.

“ _ Jesse… _ ” he moaned again, louder, clearer, more for Jesse to hear. “Please, let me see you.”

Gulping, Jesse took a deep breath and acted on impulse, putting his hand inside his boxers and pulling it off of him, cock springing free, decorated with pre-cum. Shin gasped, obviously having finally seen him. He immediately scrambled to get something nearby, Jesse almost losing focus before a toy came into view, as red as the lingerie Shin was wearing.

“God, it’s not even as big,” Shin said, heady, but he put the toy in his mouth anyway and licked around it, wetting it with his tongue. Jesse was about to respond, but he felt like his mind really had gone blank and lost all form of thought, watching Shin kiss and lick at the toy, pulling it in and out of his mouth. Full lips surrounded the toy, disappearing and reappearing between them, and Jesse could just imagine what those lips looked like around his actual cock.

“Enough,” he said, surprised at his own tone, “inside of you. Now.”

Shin popped the toy out of his mouth loudly, biting on his bottom lip again as he lowered it and pulled the lace to the side. He grabbed at his own cock, almost mimicking the way Jesse had started to pump at his own, making him feel it all over while he lined the toy at his entrance, prodding it with the wet tip and teasing himself.

“ _ Now,  _ Shin,” Jesse repeated, almost growling out the word.

Shin sank on the red toy, stretching him more than he already was, gasping as he felt it inside. He moaned out Jesse’s name, twice for good measure. “You’re so—” he gasped again, sank further down at his own pace.

Jesse followed Shin’s pattern with his hand, letting his imagination run wild with what he was seeing. Shin sank more until the toy had all but disappeared, only a little remaining, Shin bottoming out and letting out the most delicious sound Jesse had ever had the privilege of hearing. Jesse groaned in response, unable to keep the sound to himself either.

“Jesse, how do I—”

“Fast,” Jesse slowed his own movements though, but he instructed Shin the complete opposite. “And hard.”

Shin bit at his bottom lip and nodded, shifting on the bed to get a better position. He lifted himself almost completely off the toy, then sank back down in one go, hard, fast, rough.

“You like that?” Jesse asked with a low voice, a shiver going down Shin’s spine.

“ _ Y-yes, _ ” he moaned out, doing it again, even harder and even faster. He rode the toy with fluid movements, lifting himself then sinking back down hard. Shin repeated the action over and over and over, moans getting louder each time he felt it stretch him further.

Jesse watched with glassy eyes, cock hard and wanting, a slow pump to it with a steady hand. He wanted to last longer, wanted to simply watch Shin pleasure himself while he imagined Jesse’s cock. While he imagined how much Jesse could make him feel good. Shin pumped at his own cock with one hand, kept himself steady with the other, noises getting louder and louder the more he bounced. Jesse whispered instruction after instruction, Shin following each one with now hesitation whatsoever. At one point Jesse instructed him to change the angle, moving the toy and his hips, and Shin suddenly gasped when he did, seeming to have found a sensitive spot.

“I’m—” he gasped again, the tip of the toy directly at his prostate, “ _ Jesse,  _ you’re—”

Jesse finally increased his own hand’s pace, gritting his teeth. “Faster and harder,” he said with a low growl. “Come for me.”

Shin moaned again, even louder, bouncing hurriedly and hardly, pumping at his cock. He timed his movements with Jesse’s hand, watching him across the screen, thoughts clouded with imaginations of Jesse’s cock disappearing inside his well stretched heat. He kept hitting where he was sensitive, climax gradually building, a familiar looking low in his belly.

“J-Jess, I’m—” a strangled moan, a sudden gasp, a desperate whine, “I’m gonna—”

“Come for me, Shin,” Jesse whispered.

It all but toppled Shin over the edge, coming hard as he convulsed and shook, coating tight fingers around his cock with white hot liquid. Jesse watched him as he came, rigid movements clear on screen, making him work his hand faster on himself.

“Fuck, I need to—” Jesse said, wanting to move away from the screen, “I have to go, I have to—”

“ _ Please,  _ let me see you,” Shin begged with a shaking breath. “I-I want to see you too, Jess,  _ please. _ ”

Jesse gritted his teeth again, unable to resist, groaning out loud when he himself came, spilling on his own fingers. Shin gasped when he saw it, almost as if he could feel it too, and it only prolonged his high even further. He came some more, shuddering when he pulled the toy out of him, and touched his own entrance, well stretched and treated.

“God,” Jesse breathed, “you are  _ so  _ beautiful every time you do that.”

Shin smiled, kept himself up with a hand as he tried to catch his breath. “Thanks,” he said in a suddenly shy voice. “Lingerie is ruined now, though,” because he had spilled come all over it, the fabric a darker hue and wet.

“I think it looks better,” Jesse chuckled, running a hand through his hair and wiping at his flushed face.

“Ugh, I’m going to come again if you keep talking like that,” Shin said, completely serious.

“Well, in that case,” Jesse smirked, but said jokingly, wiping himself clean and making a grab for his boxers to put them back on. “Can I just say again that you look  _ incredibly  _ sexy.”

“I better. This was hella expensive,” they laughed together, then Shin bit on his lip, “But thanks. Again. As always.”

“You look good in anything anyway,”

“You said that already,”

“Still the truth,”

Jesse smiled. Shin smiled back, heart fluttering. They talked a bit more before noticing the time, and Shin waved a goodnight before the window closed, leaving Jesse smiling wide.

He dreamt of Shin that night. And while Jesse wouldn’t be surprised, it wasn’t even  _ that  _ kind of dream. It was a dream where he hugged Shin close as they lied down on the bed doing absolutely nothing. A dream where they walked side by side, hand in each other’s, enjoying each other’s company. A dream where they  _ knew  _ each other, in more ways than one. More than just what it was now.

Jesse woke up with a steady beat to his heart, a smile on his lips, then a sudden dangerous thought and a worry of what could be.

He didn’t understand, yet. Not yet.

* * *

The sessions became more frequent.

From weekly ones to twice a week to every other day and neither of them knew how and when it started but it became that way anyway. Sometimes Jesse still paid, sometimes Shin would just run the time and Jesse wouldn’t be charged anything. And when their sessions turned into almost everyday, Jesse didn’t even pay at all. And Shin didn’t mind one bit, never asking him to pay, never charging him for anything, never reminding him of the fee. They just really enjoyed one another.

Through them Jesse had told Shin he had a younger sister, and also found out that Shin had an older brother but a younger sister, and that his family was quite close with each other.

“But you live alone?” Jesse asked as he lifted his shirt over his head and discarded it somewhere.

Shin nodded while he threw away his hoodie, already working on his boxer shorts. “Yea, I have been since I turned 20. I miss them sometimes, but I like being independent too.”

Jesse removed his belt and jeans, worked on his boxer shorts next. “Do you visit at least?”

Already naked, Shin adjusted himself on the bed, reaching for a butt plug that looked really pretty from where Jesse was sitting. “I visit them, they visit me sometimes. But I’d rather visit them. Tons of things to hide in the apartment,” he smirked, wiggling the shiny buttplug on screen, “if you know what I mean.”

Jesse smirked back, grabbing his cock at the base and moving his hand up to the head. “Definitely know what you mean.”

They changed the topic to their favorite movies, then got off while having the conversation. And it wasn’t even weird, because it had slowly turned into a habit.

There was another moment where they let each other hear their playlists, specifically picked out songs from each of their music tastes.

“Michael Bublé, Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole,” Shintaro said, “wow, you’re a crooner.” He inserted three fingers into his entrance, gasping as Jesse watched him intently, “I wonder how you sound like when you reach that deep.”

Jesse bit on his bottom lip, groaning low as if to prove Shintaro’s point. “Hey,” he said with a struggling breath, “don’t forget the ABBA.”

Shintaro laughed a little, but breathy, fingers moving in and out of him.

“And you?” Jesse pumped at his cock, groaning again when he tightened his hand, “The Chainsmokers, Martin Garrix, LAUV. All artists I hear in the bar I work in. Dance tracks, I’m guessing? Explains the way you move your hips.”

Shin moaned out loud when his fingers reached his sensitive spot, moving his hips to prove Jesse’s point as well. “Yup,” he struggled to say, “a little Taylor Swift, for when I feel like it.”

“Of course. I’m surprised there’s no Bieber?”

“Ugh, I’ve moved on from the Biebs. Can we forget about him? I’d rather talk about you and your deep notes,”

“Aww, are you coming already?” Jesse joked, despite both of their states. He really was inching towards his climax though, hoping Shin was too.

“Talk to me more, love, I probably will,” Shin said, moaning loudly again after letting out another breathy laugh.

They come at the same time, then laugh after, blissed out state feeling otherworldly.

The next time they see each other through the screen, Jesse actually  _ was  _ singing deep notes. Shin had requested he sing him a song, and Jesse hesitated at first, doubting his musical ability.

“Come on, I wanna hear you sing,” Shin said, giddy.

“You really don’t,”

“I do!” Shin said, smiling, “I’ll dance next time. I promise.”

Jesse took a deep breath, then sighed. He really was putty in Shin’s hands.

“Wait here,”

He went to get his guitar then sat back down on his seat, still shirtless, as he tuned the instrument. “Any requests?” he smiled, plucking on the strings to make sure they sounded right.

“Hmm,” Shin pursed his lips, “something original. Please?”

Jesse’s heart skipped a beat, yet again. Shin always knew how to do that. How to make him feel so caught.

“Alright,” he said, taking another deep breath, trying to get his fingers to stop shaking, “but only for your ears.”

He started playing a song, an original one that mixed both English and Japanese lyrics together. Shin didn’t really know who the song was for, or what exactly the song was about, but he saw that Jesse had put his heart into it. Heard each note of his voice sound like a piece of his heart being showcased to the world. Like each strum of the guitar was a truth being told and he was baring himself with no restrictions. That was probably the most naked Shin had seen Jesse.

When the last note was played, Shin caught himself letting a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

“That was really beautiful,” he said, piercing through the comfortable silence. “You wrote that?”

“Uh, yea,” Jesse said shyly, putting the guitar back in its stand next to him. “Just recently. About someone that I…” he stared at Shin through the screen, heart beating louder and faster, “yea. I hope it was okay?”

“It was wonderful,”

Shin found out that night that the reason Jesse had been working at that bar was because they sometimes had open mic nights, and Jesse was allowed by the owner to perform his songs without charge and with double the pay. Sometimes he would do covers, sometimes he did originals, most of the time he did it so he wouldn’t forget his love for the music. Jesse had told him, in all truth he could muster, that what he really wanted was to perform. To make music and sing it in front of a crowd and let his words touch the audience until they love it enough to sing it back to him. Shin could see the way he talked about it, with his whole heart, with every emotion he had and it... 

It terrified him.

He wasn’t scared that Jesse was that kind of person. But he was scared that Jesse didn’t even stop himself from telling Shin that. That he was comfortable enough with Shin to tell him something that he seemed to have not told anyone else. Shin didn’t know what that was supposed to mean.

“You want to hear another?” Jesse offered, and Shin was thankful for the distraction. But he also just really wanted to hear more of Jesse’s passion for music.

“Sure,” he said with a small smile.

“This one’s more, uh,” Jesse chuckled, then started playing.

The song had a slow tempo, but definitely had lyrics that meant different. It was full of euphemisms, suggestive words that Shin didn’t even expect but was pleasantly surprised to hear, especially when Jesse was singing them with a voice like  _ that.  _ It didn’t even sound cheap at all. It was more sexy than anything, metaphors here and there that made the song completely classy. And Jesse hit the low notes perfectly, each syllable he uttered going straight to Shin’s system.

Shin bit on his bottom lip, the words affecting him greatly, Jesse’s voice making him want to just... 

“Shin?” Jesse called out to him, and Shin released his lip from between his teeth, parted lips shining.

“Yea?” he said in a heady voice.

Jesse put down his guitar and cleared his throat, already taking off his shirt, knowing that specific tell in Shin’s voice. “Was it the song or the voice?” he asked with a low chuckle.

“Both,” Shin answered immediately, removing his white tee and haphazardly discarding it somewhere on the bed. “That and the way your fingers played the guitar.”

“Should I keep talking?”

“ _ God,  _ yes,” Shin could already feel himself shaking with arousal, hearing Jesse’s voice echo in his head.

And when Shin was coming down from his high that night, he gave Jesse the sincerest of smiles, happy that Jesse was able to share a part of him that he hid from others, honoured to have been at the receiving end of it. Jesse thanked him for listening. Shin said he could listen to him for hours and not mind a single bit. It was the truth, anyway.

The next time, Shin followed through with his promise, despite a bit of hesitation. Jesse had to convince him first, though, talking his way through it.

“But you said you loved to dance!”

“Wouldn’t it be awkward when you can’t even see my face?” Shin laughed.

“Of course not. Do you dance regularly?”

Shin found himself opening up, talking about how he actually worked at a dance studio for his day job, teaching workshops and lessons and sometimes choreographing for big projects. He told Jesse that he didn’t even like dancing at first. That he hated it when he was a kid, before his friend convinced him that he could hone that skill if he really wanted to.

“Are you guys still friends?” Jesse asked.

“Definitely,” because Shin wouldn’t have it any other way.

Then he continued by saying that he released tension and stress through dance, and that he fell in love with it more and more as he improved. Until he ended up falling in love with it completely, saying he couldn’t imagine himself doing something else.

“It’s, uhm,” he said, opening his mouth to talk some more, but closed it again, contemplating whether or not he should tell.

“If you’re not comfortable with it, it’s fine,” Jesse reassured him with a small smile.

“No, I’m just... “ but this was Jesse. With Jesse, it was okay. Because Jesse, he trusted. He trusted him a lot. “It’s actually what pays the bills, the dance studio job. It’s not much, but it’s enough for rent, food, electricity. All that. It’s what gets me through.”

“Oh,” Jesse said, remembering that joke Shin made before about the bills. “Then why do you...” he started to say, but stopped when he realized that Shin might have not wanted to talk about it.

“Uhm, it’s,” Shin said, “it’s the surfing. It’s that.”

He let Shin continue talking, wanting him to be comfortable.

“The surfing is… I don’t know. Dancing helps me relieve stress. Makes me feel better. It’s part of me. But surfing  _ is  _ me. It helps me get through life, you know?”

“Right, like with my music?”

“Right!” Shin smiled, “like that. I just… everything in life is so sure. Calculated. Predicted. Or if it isn’t, there’s  _ still  _ a reason for it. For its unpredictability. But with the sea... I don’t know. I’m never sure of it. I’m never sure what it’s going to do or where it’ll take me or how the waves will go. They just, well, go. And it never needs a reason. It just  _ is.  _ And sometimes I want to be whisked away by it because I want something unpredicted, something without reason, something that just  _ happened  _ because it did. Something like that. So I surf. Because it creates the illusion of me being taken away by the sea, but still helps bring me back home to shore.”

Jesse released a breath. He hadn’t realized that that was how much it meant to Shin.

“So I do…” he gestured at the screen, “this. Dancing helps pay the bills. But this helps pay for the surfing. Because I can’t do without the sea, Jesse, I just… I don’t think I’ll be able to without it. So I do this. I have to. I want to, to be able to surf.”

Jesse nodded, completely understanding. The only reason he suffered through endless mixed drinks and drunk looks on strangers’ faces was because he wanted to keep performing. Because of the music. Because the music kept him going. He hadn’t realized Shin was going through the same.

“You really love the sea, don’t you?”

“I really  _ really  _ do,” Shin sighed, “and I miss it. I haven’t been able to go lately. Not because I don’t have time, but I just can’t see the opportunity to.”

Then Shin caught himself. He didn’t know if it was because he had started talking casually, but he realized how vulnerable he had been. How much he had shared to Jesse already, and that he didn’t even regret doing it. That it didn’t alarm anything bad in him because he was comfortable with being open with Jesse. That it instead alarmed him of the fact that he didn’t even hesitate with the boy. That he didn’t even have second thoughts about telling Jesse something he hadn’t really told anyone else. Much less a stranger.

And he realized that Jesse listened to him without judgement too and even understood what he was going through. Shin hadn’t realized that, while Jesse had already seen him naked multiple times, he had shown more of himself to Jesse when he had said that. When he had said those words. When he was completely vulnerable, bare naked.

So he cleared his throat and tried to shake off his thoughts. “But I did promise a dance, didn’t I?” he said playfully, because he did feel like dancing that evening, limbs wanting to move on its own.

Jesse sensed something in him, but he let it be for now, also sensing that Shin wanted the topic to change. “So are you gonna dance for me?”

“Ohh, lap dance or normal dance?” Shin teased.

“Whatever makes your night,”

“Well then,” Shin smirked, then pressed on his phone. The speakers started blasting music, Jesse hearing a slow tempo at first.

_ Hey stud, you can come and meet me, come and meet me out front… _

Shin stood up from the bed, letting his body groove and move, letting the music take over him. It started off as a sort of ballad, a mellow one that had a sensual beat, and he swayed his hips to it, following the song’s count. He rolled his hips and body, showing off dancer skills and surfer moves at the same time, and Jesse wanted to check his heart if it was still working because  _ god fucking dammit,  _ that was one of the sexiest things he had ever witnessed in his entire life.

The pace of the song picked up, and Shin moved along with it, moving with expertise and precision and so much passion, Jesse could watch him forever. He hadn’t even seen the look on Shin’s face, but Jesse could already imagine an expression that unmatched any other. He ran his hands up and down his body, touching all over, touching with sureness as he moved to the song. A song that Jesse imagined was perfect for him, for  _ them.  _

Shin was in his element. He was where he belonged. He might have mentioned that surfing was his life, but dancing was definitely close behind, from what Jesse was watching. 

The song kept playing, but Shin only danced up to the chorus, suddenly stopping and looking back at the screen, not even looking like he broke a sweat. “So that’s a little bit of my dancing,” he said with the smile of someone who just did what they loved.

Jesse sighed a little too loudly for his liking, not being able to stop it from coming out. Shin kept surprising him more and more each time. He was amazing. More than that, even.

“You okay?” Shin asked with a little laugh.

“You’re amazing,” Jesse said, voicing out his thoughts.

“Thanks,”

“And that was the sexiest thing I have ever seen,”

“And you’re drooling,”

“Fuck?” Jesse scrambled to wipe at his mouth, making Shin laugh.

“Kidding,” he said with a giggle, then smiled knowingly, glancing at Jesse’s crotch. “Fingers or a toy tonight?”

“ _ God,  _ you are  _ so  _ amazing. Did I ever tell you that?” Jesse said, and Shin laughed in response. “But surprise me?”

“Hmm,” Shin walked away, coming back into view shortly, a dildo in hand. “Felt like riding your cock tonight.”

Jesse groaned out loud in sexual frustration. “Shin,  _ please, _ ” he said, on the brink of insanity, “why are you like this? Why do you do this? Why are you the absolute fucking best?”

Shin laughed, already starting to strip off his clothes. “I  _ am _ the absolute fucking best, aren’t I?”

“Damn right, you are,” Jesse smirked.

They laughed together again, kept the conversation going as Shin rode the toy with smooth movements, hips mimicking the way he moved earlier when he danced. Jesse tried his best to control himself that night, Shin making it difficult with the way he rolled his body and made loud noises that made Jesse want to use it as a melody for the next song he wrote. Or as a ringtone. Or as an alarm. Either way, he wanted to immortalize it for safekeeping, so he could repeat it over and over and  _ over. _

Eventually they came at the same time, moaning and groaning through the screen, then giggling right after in their flushed state. When they had bid their goodnights and turned off the screen, Jesse caught himself smiling, heart beating erratically, a soft but sure thump in his chest. If he listened closely, he was sure it was spelling out Shin’s name.

In another session not long after, Jesse recalled the song that Shin played, getting an idea.

“We should do a duet,”

Shin snorted, “I am  _ not  _ the best singer around.”

“I’m sure you’re not so bad, cut yourself some slack,” Jesse reassured him.

“And we have completely different music tastes,” because they did. Jesse was an old soul, like he was born decades late. Shin was more into modern, bass lines and thick beats being his constant.

“Then we should do something in between,” Jesse said anyway, determined. “It could be like that song you played when you danced. Starts off as a slow ballad, before it turns mid-tempo, until the beat picks up and turns it into a dance track.”

That… could work, Shin had to admit. “Okay, I’ll bite,” he said, “but it still doesn’t improve my singing.”

“I sing to it, you dance to it,” Jesse said with a smile. “I suck at dancing anyway,” he chuckled, but with a hopeful voice, really wanting to convince Shin.

Shin bit at his bottom lip. “Okay,” he finally agreed, nodding with a smile.

They worked on the duet for a few sessions, sometimes after they come, sometimes before they do anything, sometimes singing a few of the lines while Shin fingers himself and Jesse pumps at his cock, groaning and moaning the words out loud. Jesse had half a mind to record those parts and put it in the official audio.

“We should record it together in an actual studio,” Jesse suggested while he cleaned himself with a damp towel.

Shin panted on the other side, body still slightly shaking from the effects of having just come. “We should,” he said between breaths, “with all the extra sounds and everything.” Then he smirked, the innuendo in his words reaching Jesse.

Jesse smirked back, glad they were on the same page.

Shin also discovered that he had a thing for Jesse devouring something with that mouth of his, as evidenced by the sudden turn on when they were casually talking about their day and Jesse was busy munching on a damn peach.

It was plump and full, Shin finding all sorts of euphemisms with the way Jesse was licking at the fruit before he took a damn bite. He almost wanted to moan out loud each time it happened.

“Oh shit,” Jesse said, the peach’s juice running down his hand and wrist, trickling down his arm. He darted out a tongue to lick at it, effectively making Shin all kinds of aroused, wanting Jesse to stop whatever he was doing but also never ever stop. Ever.

“Are you doing this on purpose?” he finally asked, voice already thick with arousal.

“Doing what?” Jesse asked back, looking completely clueless.

Shin groaned. “The peach, the bites, the licks, the juice down the arm…” he trailed off, watching Jesse hold onto the peach with a grip that seemed like it could feel extremely pleasurable. 

“Wait this…” Jesse looked at the peach, then back at the screen, “am I turning you on?”

“Is the sky blue? Is the grass green? Is the sun hot?” Shin responded with playful sarcasm, making Jesse laugh.

“Shin, I’m just eating a peach,”

“A  _ peach  _ of all fruits, you’re doing this on purpose,”

“I craved it when you bent down the other night and—”

Shin basically wiggled his ass in front of the camera that other night, Jesse wanting nothing more than to bite into it and leave bright red marks on the soft and creamy skin. Hence, the peach craving.

“Why are we making things harder for us?” Shin said, already stripping off his shorts. “Get rid of the stupid peach.”

Jesse put the fruit down on a plate, soon forgotten when Shin turned around and bent down again, showing a view that was definitely better than munching on a damn peach.

During another night of their meeting—in the middle of a conversation about this one anime they were both watching—Shin lit up and suddenly remembered something, as if having a eureka moment.

“Oh hey, I just remembered!” he said, a giddy smile decorating his lips.

“Hmm?” Jesse hummed out loud, voice already thick from watching Shin run his hands all over his body as he rolled his hips. “Remember what?”

“I was going to use something tonight, wait here, I’ll just…” Shin disappeared from Jesse’s view, hurrying to grab at something.

Jesse relaxed a little, ran his hand through his hair and sat up straight, waiting for Shin to come back into view. When he did, Shin’s smile was even wider, and it was only then that Jesse got really curious.

He smiled, Shin’s smile contagious. “What is it?” Jesse asked, moving closer to the screen.

Shin reappeared with an even bigger smile, looking more excited. “Remember the ice the other time?”

Jesse could remember every single detail of that session. Mostly because it was the first time Shin moaned his name with  _ that  _ voice. “Yea,” he said, recalling, “the blindfold too?”

“No blindfold this time. No ice too, actually. Just, uhm…”

A toy came to view, a glass dildo that had an impressive size, looking like it was… frosted?

“Wait, did you—”

“Read something online about putting it in the refrigerator,” Shin said so casually, Jesse couldn’t even process the words. “So I did. And now it’s cold and I kinda wanna…”

Jesse groaned out loud, already knowing what Shin was about to do. “I’m gone. I’m so gone. You know Jesse? Yea. He’s already gone.”

Shin laughed. “I haven’t done anything yet, Jess.”

Ugh.  _ Jess.  _ In that voice with that smile. Ultimately Jesse’s weakness, of course. He knew that by now.

“And yet I’m already gone,”

“So should I not—”

“No, no, no, I was kidding, please proceed,”

Shin laughed once more, already returning to his position on the bed. “Did you get the lube?” he said, kneeling, then spreading his legs.

Jesse bit on his lip then nodded. “Yup, yea, let me just…” he reached for the small packet of lube nearby, labeled Ice Blast, because it had the effect of being cold. He opened the packet with shaking fingers, squeezing out a little on his palm.

Shin lubed up his own fingers, inserting two and stretching them, preparing himself, thankful he had been stretched from the night before. When he was comfortable enough, he lined the glass toy at his entrance, biting on his bottom lip.

“Jess…” he whispered again, like a signal. Jesse nodded, then Shin sank on the toy slowly, gasping out loud as he felt the cold connect with his heat. “Oh,  _ god, _ ” he moaned. “You feel—” he cut himself off with another moan, then proceeded to let out a desperate whine as he kept sinking and sinking until the toy had all but slowly disappeared, reaching deep inside, only a little remaining.

Jesse groaned as a reaction, put his own hand around his cock, the lube creating the effect of cold around his warm length. He pumped at his cock as carefully as possible, wanting to last long, wanting to make sure Shin came with him.

They continued, reaching their climax eventually, the cold consuming them in the best of ways. Shin moaned Jesse’s name out loud, wrapping each syllable around a desperate whimper that whirled around Jesse’s head like he was high. He managed a low groan of Shin’s name, prolonging Shin’s climax as he did.

When they had come down, Shin pulled the toy out of him, shuddering, but smiling across the screen.

“Felt good,” he said, chest heaving.

“It did,” Jesse agreed, trying to catch his own breath.

They dressed up and chatted some more after, Jesse sneaking jokes that Shin laughed at but also returned the same amount, their humor matching. When they had to bid good night, they took long, not really wanting the conversation to end yet, adding another extra hour to their usual.

“Jess, I have to go,” Shin smiled, “really. I have an early beginner’s class tomorrow. I’m teaching hip-hop to kids.”

“I bet you’re good with kids,” Jesse really wanted to talk more.

“ _ Jesse, _ ” Shin scolded but playfully, still smiling.

“Okay,  _ fine,  _ but I’m gonna miss you the entire time,”

“I’ll see you tomorrow night,”

“My heart aches already,”

Shin laughed again. “Goodnight, Jesse.”

Jesse smiled, heart feeling full.

“Goodnight, Shin,”

The window closed, leaving Jesse with a smile on his face and a steady beat to his heart.

Then he thought about the past few days and weeks. How Shin had grown into a usual, someone his day could never have enough of, someone he felt completed everything.

Shin had grown into a constant.

Jesse ignored the warning signs in his head telling him that while that was good, it could also lead to something that could inevitably complicate things.

He pushed the thought away, the promise of seeing Shin again tomorrow taking over it.

* * *

Sometimes the world pissed Jesse off.

He was rarely a guy who got pissed, but he had just been royally pissed off by his stupid work, calling him in suddenly that night to fill in for another bartender. He couldn’t exactly do anything about it because he was the only one available for the early part of the night, so it left him no choice but to take on the shift. And it pissed him off because Jesse was serious about his work, even though he didn’t exactly love it one hundred percent. He dedicated an amount of hard work into it, so surprising him with a sudden assignment that wasn’t in his schedule or plans irked him to the core.

Especially because days off meant he saw Shin. And Shin, he never wanted to miss. But now his time with Shin had been cut in half—maybe even entirely—all because he had to serve stupid drinks to stupid customers. Jesse was so irritated.

He logged onto the site in his mobile before his shift, typing up a message to Shin on the private session chatbox before clocking in.

_ [Will be really late today. Stuck at work. If you can’t wait, it’s fine, I understand! :) Have a good night. I’ll miss you!] _

Jesse smiled after hitting send, a flurry of butterflies in his stomach fluttering. He hoped he made Shin smile too. 

He tried his best to keep his mood up, serving drinks left and right because apparently the bar decided to conveniently be packed tonight. Which pissed him off even more, of course, but he wasn’t going to let that show. Instead, he laughed his fake laugh and smiled his fake smile and accommodated the customers that went his way. Some even tried to flirt, striking up a conversation with him that was obviously full of suggestive words and a different tone of voice. Jesse turned everything down the best that he could, a smile in the back of his mind while he did so. A smile that beat all that he saw that night.

There was one girl who was incredibly persistent in sleeping with him, saying something about his hair looking good in a messy sexy way, and would probably look better if it was messed up even more. Jesse smiled at her as much as he could muster, then thanked her and told her he took a mental note to always style his hair that way. The girl moved even closer, emphasizing an impressive chest, except it had no effect on Jesse whatsoever. Sure, she looked nice. But she wasn’t really what he was looking for. She wasn’t what he wanted. All he wanted was…

Jesse spotted his co-bartender from afar, thanking whoever had heard his silent prayers for his replacement for the second half of the night. 

“Thank fucking christ,” he said out loud, not bothering if he had sounded relieved to be off his shift in front of the customers. He served the last drink he made, then immediately made a beeline for the staff room, packing up and gathering his stuff, clocking out before leaving without a thought.

Jesse all but moved at lightning speed to get home, avoiding everyone and everything, barely processing his surroundings. He didn’t bother changing into something comfortable when he finally got to his apartment, immediately plugging in his laptop and setting up the screen. 

“Could you be any damn slower?” he said, almost gritting his teeth at his laptop, already antsy enough. The window finally popped up on the screen, and Jesse visibly sighed in relief, because  _ finally. _

“Hey,” Shin smiled, like normal.

“Hey, I am so sorry I took long,” Jesse apologized, feeling really bad about being late. “Fucking work got on my damn nerves. I hope you got my message?”

Shin chuckled. “It’s fine, actually, I don’t mind. You don’t have to be on time all the time, it’s not like we have to clock in and out for this,” he said matter-of-factly, a light tone to his voice, like he hadn’t been affected at all.

For some reason, that threw Jesse off. Like there was something there he couldn’t place, but he didn’t like the sound of it. Either way, he simply shrugged it off, telling himself that maybe it was just his state of mind and that he shouldn’t overthink it.

“Right, uhm,” he said again, furrowing his eyebrows, “did you—”

“What happened at work?” Shin tilted his head, asking curiously.

“Oh, that. They just—”

Speaking of the damn devil, Jesse’s phone suddenly rang and vibrated on the table, an arm’s length away from where he was currently sitting. He made a grab for it and checked the caller ID, only to find out that it had been his boss. He winced and excused himself from the video call, Shin nodding and telling him it was okay to take the other call.

A short moment later, Jesse came back on screen, after throwing the phone on the bed behind him, looking even more pissed than he had been earlier.

He groaned, irritated. “Fuck.”

“What is it?” Shin asked, curious, trying to move closer to the screen.

“They need me tomorrow too. I fucking hate this,” Jesse cursed again, running a hand through his hair and wiping at his face in exasperation. “I have no problems at all filling in for somebody, but can’t they at least tell me way ahead of time and not just a day before? I’m not free all the fucking time.”

Except for Shin. Jesse would free up his whole damn schedule for him.  _ Only  _ for him.

Jesse talked more about what happened to his day and about the whole situation at work, still pissed as all fuck at the current situation. And that was when Shin noticed that Jesse talked differently when he was serious, voice a baritone lower, vocabulary filled with an edge, tone rougher than usual, a bit more dominant than what Shin was used to.

“They can’t fucking tell me what to fucking do,”

Or  _ a lot  _ more dominant.

Shin gulped, adjusting on the bed. He tried his best to listen to Jesse, and he really was serious every time he responded, earnestly telling him that his work should have a better system and that they shouldn’t abuse Jesse’s time just because he was free and he was nice about it. He tried to be as serious as he could, he really  _ really  _ did.

But every single word that came out of Jesse’s mouth—filled with feeling and slight anger and a hint of frustration—said in  _ that  _ voice of his… it affected Shin greatly. More than he expected. He told and willed himself to not react to it, because Jesse was being serious for fuck’s sake, he needed to be serious too.

Jesse tried to calm his nerves a little, noticing that he had been in a pissed off state for majority of the night now, and that he shouldn’t be.

“Sorry I’ve been ranting the entire night. I shouldn’t really, I should…” his voice trailed off when he finally focused on the screen, seeing Shin play with the hem of his hoodie again, and Jesse knew that tell all too fucking well. “You’re… which part?”

Shin felt ashamed for having been turned on when Jesse was being serious and telling him about his frustrations. But he had been waiting the entire night for Jesse, so he had his frustrations himself. Paired with the fact that he could imagine what it would be like had he and Jesse been together right now and Jesse wanted to let off some steam. Shin would offer to kneel for him, taking all his worries away by taking him down his throat or taking all of his thrusts. The way Jesse would pound into him and…

“Do you want a…” Shin gulped, wary, but wanting to try still. “stress relief? I can, uhm… provide if you want?”

For some reason, Jesse had recalled the first time he saw Shin’s profile, a certain description making itself known.

_ Bottom. Sub. _

_ Sub. _

“Tease yourself. No reactions, just touching.” the words had come out on their own, said with a voice that sounded foreign even for him. Jesse let his frustrations take over, riding on the way he was pissed, wanting to challenge just how much Shintaro could actually take. 

Shin bit his lip and nodded slowly, removing his hoodie and shirt off in one go, licking at his fingertips and kissing them. He circled them around his nipples, purposely avoiding the area in the middle, and tried not to moan out loud at the feeling of being teased. He bit hard, restraining himself, trying to stay out and stay still and make sure he didn’t do anything Jesse hadn’t mentioned.

“Take off the shorts,” Jesse said, voice even lower, “take all of it off. I want to see all of you.”

Shin took off his shorts and boxers, threw them on the ground and went back to kneeling on the bed. “Pinch yourself,” he heard Jesse instruct, obediently following and pinching at his own nipples, fingers still wet from his licking.

“Harder,” Jesse said, louder, lower. “I want to bite at you hard.”

Shin pinched himself more, wanting so bad to let out a whimper at how good it felt, how the minute pain was immediately replaced by slowly rising pleasure. He pinched at both of his nipples, imagining Jesse’s teeth biting hard at the sensitive and hardened buds, Shin letting him.

“Touch yourself,” Jesse took off his own shorts, cock hardening at how Shin looked like. “Tight. But I don’t want to hear any reactions from you when you do.”

Shin nodded slowly, wrapped his fingers around his cock, starting from the base and moving his hand towards the head, tight around the crown. He tried his best to keep quiet, breaths turning shallow but not wanting to let out his voice.

“Let go,” Jesse instructed.

Shin’s breath hitched. “But—”

“You heard me,”

So Shin followed, reluctantly but obediently letting go of his own cock, seeing Jesse’s hand towards his own across the screen.

“Fingers. Two, inside, stretch them,”

And Shin followed again, licking at his fingers before pushing them inside, reaching deep as he stretched the digits apart.

“Another,” Jesse said, Shin adding a third finger in, “faster and harder.”

Shin wanted to moan out loud. Wanted so much to moan and whimper, desperate to make a sound because of how good it had felt. How stretched he felt at the moment, imagining Jesse’s long and calloused fingers reaching deep inside of him, knowing exactly what the hell he was doing.

“Harder, Shin,” Jesse’s voice echoed in his head, and Shin fingered himself harder, three fingers disappearing deep inside and slowly making him come apart. He increased his pace, intent on chasing his release, on wanting Jesse to bring him there, where they both want him. But he accidentally let out a strangled moan, gasping and clamping his mouth shut with his free hand when he did. Jesse groaned, clicking his tongue when he heard the noise.

“Jesse, I—”

“Pull them out,”

“But I’m—”

“Pull them out, Shin,” Jesse commanded, and Shin did, nerves coming even more alive as he was deprived of a climax, pleasure building inside of him. “Grab a toy. A thick one.”

Shin bit at his lip again and nodded, knees and legs wobbling as he reached for a toy: thick and long, one of his favorites. Sometimes at night, even after their sessions, he used it on himself, imagining Jesse taking him further to the point of no return.

“All the way through,” Jesse said, and Shin placed the toy directly at his entrance, gulping before pushing it in, feeling it stretch him more. “You better make a hell of a lot of noise this time.”

Shin pushed the toy inside of him, reaching even deeper than his fingers, definitely stretching him more, feeling fuller inside, feeling better. He moved his hips as he lifted himself, then sank back down and took it all the way, moaning loudly when he did. He repeated the action, slowly at first, before seeing Jesse pump at his own cock across the screen, Jesse instructing him to go faster and harder again.

“Harder, Shin, that’s not hard enough,” Jesse’s voice made him shiver, made him want to just give up everything in the world just so he could hear that voice on repeat over and over and nothing else would matter. Only Jesse did. Only Jesse mattered. Shin moaned again, louder this time, as if to tell Jesse exactly that.

“ _ Jesse, _ ” he said, choking on a moan.

Jesse groaned back. “Louder,” he all but growled, making Shin move faster and harder. Shin moaned again in response, voice pitching up higher, making noises that were starting to sound incoherent.

“Louder, Shin,” Jesse said, voice thick and demanding, “I want to fucking hear you.”

Shin moaned louder and longer, moaning Jesse’s name.

“Do you like it when I fuck you like this?” Jesse suddenly asked, tone changing. “Rough and raw? Do you want more?”

“ _ Yes, _ ” Shin whimpered, toy hitting him deep, imagining Jesse’s hot and thick cock inside of him, fucking him rough and hard and driving him further off the edge.

“Stop,”

Shin gasped, “Jess, please, I—”

“Stop moving,”

Shin did, anyway, Jesse’s commanding tone running up and down his spine and making everything even better. Wanting Jesse to whisper profanities in his ear and tell him what to do and have his way with him one way or another, in all the best ways too. Wanting Jesse to take him, all of him, with all that he can. 

“Fuck yourself the way I would fuck you,” Jesse said, voice dominant, assertive and aggressive, different from his usual soft tone and careful words. While Shin enjoyed and appreciated when Jesse was like that, he definitely loved this Jesse too.

Loved.

Love.

Jesse fit every single thing he wanted. A dom-top, serious when he wanted to be, a sweetheart without being saccharine, they had the same humour, same outlook on life. They may have had their differences, but the way they clicked and connected overrode all of that. 

Because they fit. They fit together. So much more than Shin wanted to admit. Jesse ticked off all the things in his list, and then some. And what’s more is that even if Jesse didn’t tick them off, Shin would have still wanted Jesse anyway. He wanted Jesse. No matter what. It hit him, now of all times, that he wanted Jesse. He wanted Jesse more, beyond than just a fuck, than just physical. He wanted to meet him, to know him, to get to know more of him. And it just now sank in that Jesse probably wanted him back.

Because he was starting to catch feelings for him.

Because Shin was starting to fall for him. And that was the most terrifying thing he had ever felt.

“Jesse…”

“Do it, Shin,” Jesse said once more, and it traveled all over Shin’s system, making his heart beat faster, the butterflies in his stomach dance more vigorously, his feelings heightening.

He tried to bury his thoughts away. A million and one things were running through his mind, but Shin tried to bury it away and fucked himself with the toy, imagining Jesse pounding into him with no hesitation, no forgiveness, no holds barred, nothing stopping either of them. Nothing at all as they tried to take pleasure purely from one another’s bodies, a release of tension, a relief. They could both fuck it off, Shin thought. Fuck all the thoughts away, get rid of them through a mutual climax and bodies clawing for it through each other.

“Jesse—” Shin choked on a loud moan, fucking himself rough, raw and hard, moving faster, couldn’t even keep up with his own pace anymore as the toy reached deep inside, hitting him where he was sensitive. “Jesse, I’m going to—”

Jesse was pumping at his own cock, matching the pace of Shin’s hip rolls and bounces, imagining a tight heat around himself. “Fuck,” he cursed, feeling himself nearing. “Come for me, Shin.”

And with that, Shin was gone, imagining Jesse whispering the words into his ear and pushing him over the edge. He fucked himself all throughout the climax, pleasure overriding his system as he shook and convulsed, knees buckling. Jesse groaned out loud as well, coming, movements staggered but continuous. Shin kept fucking himself, kept imagining Jesse still fucking him even while he came, and it prolonged the high even more. Made everything feel grander, better, even more otherworldly.

It also made him forget. Forget his thoughts, forget what he realized, forget what he had finally comprehended earlier.

Except it wasn’t able to make him forget about his feelings.

“Shin, are you still—”

“ _ J-Jesse, _ ” Shin whimpered his name out loud, riding on the last wave of his high, trying to forget, trying so hard. “ _ Yes. _ ”

But he couldn’t, in the end. They were still there. His feelings were still present.

His feelings for  _ Jesse  _ still existed.

Jesse. Half-American. Gemini. Older than him. Really tall. Looked good in green. Always paid attention. Seemed like he enjoyed chatting. Good with words.

Made him laugh more than anyone. Someone he felt comfortable around. Someone he didn’t even hesitate opening up to, to tell his secrets and more. Someone who he knew he fit together with, no matter how much he denied.

Owned his heart.

_ Customer. _

Shin panted as he came down from his high, chest heaving up and down, body still with a slight shake.

“Was it too much? Are you okay, that looked like you had an intense—”

Jesse’s tone had turned from commanding and dominant to sweet and concerned and no. No, Shin could not take the emotional whiplash. Because he loved both, he loved both so much and he loved Jesse. He loved the boy. He really fucking did.

“I’m fine,” Shin said, the words coming out a little too harshly to his liking. So he cleared his throat and reached for some wet wipes to wipe at himself and put clothes back on, suddenly feeling too exposed. And not even in the physical way. He cleared his throat again and tried his best at a smile. “I’m fine, Jesse, thank you for asking. Felt good. Did you…?”

“Yea,”

“Good. You feel better? No more stress?”

“Thanks to you, really,”

“Right,”

The atmosphere had turned slightly awkward, Jesse trying to get rid of it by chatting a little. Shin responded, but not in the way Jesse hoped he would.

“Hey, Jess,” Shin closed his eyes, the nickname suddenly affected him. “Jesse, I think we should rest for the night? You had a long day and I had a pretty intense, uhm… yea.”

“Oh right, yea, definitely,”

“I’ll uh. We’ll have another session, right?” Shin wanted to yell at himself for being hopeful. He was currently having an internal crisis, but he still wanted to see Jesse. Wanted more of him. Wanted him, still.

“Of course, tomorrow? After my shift? I’ll be late, but I’ll be here,”

“Okay. I’ll be waiting,”

They bid their goodbyes and turned the window off, and Shin stared at his profile. The profile on the site that he couldn’t even see what the point was, anymore. The only person he ever talked to was Jesse anyway. And he didn’t even charge him for a fee. Not at all.

He saw the number of notifications he had, other guys and some girls requesting for private sessions, comments on his page asking why he stopped doing the public ones or if those would come back any time soon. Shin scanned through them, wanting to see if it would affect him.

Except it didn’t. None of them did. None of them weighed more than the way Jesse would smile for him,  _ because  _ of him, across the screen, letting out a genuine laugh and saying his name a certain way.

Shin tried to catch sleep after, wanting to understand what that had meant, only to be prevented by a heavy heart. He only caught more feelings, instead.

* * *

Jesse didn’t know when things had turned different, but there was a change in atmosphere since then. More hesitation, less impulse. More arguments, less agreements. They weren’t all that bad, but they also both realized that they definitely had differences. That they clashed at times, and couldn’t find common ground. They could usually handle it, and they still could, but there were nights where they just let it be. Like it couldn’t be helped. Until.

Until things had blown into proportion.

It started with him noticing the time. Had Jesse known that was going to trigger something in both of them, he wouldn’t have minded it. Would’ve let it pass and ignored his curiosity. But he just  _ had  _ to ask. He had to, and that effectively changed things.

Halfway through the night, after both of them were in the middle of a conversation, Jesse noticed the time running on the corner. He was surprised to see it because he  _ hadn’t  _ seen it lately. Because Shin never put it up, ended their conversations when they wanted to end it, without the constraints of the time settings in the site.

“Shin, is the time running?” Jesse asked with a chuckle, wondering if maybe Shin had simply pressed on it accidentally and he didn’t notice.

Shin shifted, like he was caught in the act. “Uh, yea, uhm. R-right. About that…”

There were 15 minutes left on the clock, only 15 minutes left and the session would be over. And Jesse hadn’t even noticed.

But he did notice the way Shin played with the ends of his hoodie sleeves, the way Shin suddenly stuttered, a nervous tell Jesse had picked up on from all their time spent together. “Is everything okay?” he asked, worried he had said something wrong to make Shin want to put up the time.

“No, no, actually,” Shin moved carefully, hugging himself, almost as if shielding himself from something. “I just can’t do a long session tonight.”

“Oh,” of course Jesse could understand that. He just really wanted to know why. “Why?” he asked with a still hopeful smile. Maybe things were fine and he had been reading too much into things.

Shin bit at his lip nervously. Then he sighed out loud, almost like it pained him to say the next words. Like it was going to change everything that they had built.

“I have another session,”

The words rang in Jesse’s ears.

He wasn’t sure if he had heard right or if it was his slowly breaking heart taunting him of the words. Jesse wanted to clarify. To ask again. But something in him snapped, and he couldn’t help but fall into a state of panic, projecting badly.

“That’s funny,” he let out a chuckle. Shin was joking, of course. He was. Of course he was. He had to be.

“I’m not kidding,” Shin said, serious. Jesse refused to believe, still.

“Haha, okay. Sure you aren’t,” he laughed, almost desperately.

Shin shook his head, then winced, incredulous at Jesse’s reaction. “You think someone wouldn’t book me?”

Book him. Why did someone have to  _ book him?  _ It irked Jesse. Shin wasn’t an object. He didn’t have to be fucking booked.

“What? No? That’s not what I mean,”

“Then what do you mean?”

“I just meant that,” Jesse thought. Because what  _ did  _ he mean? What  _ did  _ he want to say? “You… that’s not true. Of course not. Because we…”

We. Them. The two of them. The constant. They had been a constant. Were currently a constant. Weren’t they? Of course they were.

But.

Something in Shin snapped too, suddenly speaking in a different tone.

“You’re not the only customer I have, you know,”

Each word pierced Jesse’s heart like an arrow directly aiming for his chest and hitting bullseye. 

_ Customer.  _ He fucking hated that word. He thought he had grown past it. But Shin used it on him.  _ Him,  _ of all people. Shin had referred to him as a fucking customer. A client. Someone who paid for his services. No. Jesse was having none of that.

“Excuse me?” he responded, shifting the way he talked.

“I mean, I don’t think we’re on the same page here,” Shin said. “You book me. My sessions. Sure, okay. But others book too, Jesse. There are other people I have to cater to, not just you.”

“ _ Cater  _ to?” Jesse said in disbelief. “You’re catering to me, is that it?”

“Well, aren’t I? Or did you forget what the purpose of this is?”

Jesse closed his mouth. Maybe he did forget. Maybe in all the time they spent together, all the things they told each other, all the moments they shared with each other,  _ only  _ with each other, Jesse had forgotten. He had forgotten what this was for and why he did this in the first place. Who Shin was, and why Jesse met him.  _ How  _ Jessed had met him.

Or maybe he hadn’t even forgotten. He just refused to remember.

“Shin, I don’t…” he tried to start, but Shin spoke up again.

“And I told you,” Shin said, “I need it to surf. I already said that.”

“I know,” Jesse responded, “it’s not like I forgot. But I don’t understand why you have to have other bookings when I’m already here.”

“It’s not exactly like you pay,”

Jesse hadn't, for a long time now. But that was because he thought they were beyond that already.

“I still can, you know,” he said, voice suddenly rising. “It’s not like I can’t afford to pay. I paid the first few times. I can still pay for your service, but you don’t exactly let me.”

Shin visibly leaned back. “Right. Of course,” he said, “my service. You pay for my service. You pay for me. Is that what you want, Jesse? To pay to watch me fuck myself? Is that what you’re paying for? Do you want a customer survey, are you satisfied with the service I have oh-so gloriously provided for you?”

“Shin, what are you even talking about?” Jesse said, incredulous. “You need money to surf, and I can pay. It’s what this is for, isn’t it? The whole thing?”

Shin paused, for a while. Jesse thought he had crossed the line, but Shin started talking again. “So that’s the only thing this is for. You paying me and me providing you what? A good night?”

Jesse shook his head, exasperated now. “No. I don’t—” he said, frustration evident, “you don’t want me to pay because you don’t want whatever the fuck this is to be reduced to that. But you also told me that you need it. But you don’t ask it from me anyway. So what is it? What’s really wrong here? Which is the problem because, frankly, I can’t keep up.”

Shin took a deep breath. “I can get money from someone else. A lot of others are willing to pay, willing to book. I’m not desperate for money, but I don’t want to ask anyone else, much less my family, for it. I want to earn it on my own. You know that.”

“I do, okay? I know. So why won’t you just accept it from me?”

“Because I don’t want you paying for me,”

“But how are you gonna get what you need, then?”

“Jesse,”

“Because I’m not following,”

“Jesse,”

“And I’ve been offering a solution but you won’t accept it anyway. You won’t. So I don’t know what to do anymore,”

“ _ Jesse, _ ”

“What??”

Shin paused again for good measure. Then he sighed, exhausted from the argument and his whole day.

“Why won’t you just let someone else book me?”

He finally asked. Shin finally asked the question that Jesse had absolutely no idea of answering. He hadn’t the faintest of clues how to string the words together to form a sentence that could properly explain  _ why  _ he wasn’t comfortable with that. With the idea of Shin needing to satisfy someone else even though he wasn’t all that into it. Jesse hated it already.

“Because, it doesn’t feel right and just— it’s not… ugh. I don’t like it,”

“Why not?”

Jesse groaned in frustration.

“ _ Because, _ ”

_ Because I don’t like how they treat you. Because I’m not comfortable with you doing things for others when I know you end up not enjoying it. Because they don’t think about you, they only think of themselves. Because you mean a lot to me. _

_ Because it makes me jealous. Because it’s an ugly feeling, but I feel it anyway. _

_ Because I can’t stand the thought of someone else making you smile. Someone who’s not me. Because I don’t necessarily need you, but I definitely want you. In more ways than one. _

_ Because this is new to me, what I’m feeling. Because I’ve never felt like this for anyone else. _

_ Because I’ve fallen in love with you. _

Jesse had not been able to utter a single word, thoughts running a thousand miles a minute, and yet none of them were able to come out. They had wanted to, but he couldn’t find his voice, like the creeping feeling of heartbreak had lodged itself in his throat and prevented him from telling the truth.

“Because,” was the only thing he could. He didn’t know what else he could muster.

Shin opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, hesitation getting the better of him. But he plucked up the courage and went ahead and spoke anyway.

“Jesse, maybe we should…” he said, voice cracking, “I don’t know. Stop the sessions for a while.”

“Wait, no,” Jesse panicked, already knew this was coming but still wasn’t prepared for it anyway. “No, no, no, Shin don’t do this.”

“I just think we should take a break from it. It’s…” he gulped, “the whole thing has been confusing me because I don’t really know what the intention is anymore.  _ Our  _ intention. And I think we should think about that separately and get our heads straight before we say even more things we don’t mean.”

The thing about Shin, that Jesse had noticed from all the time they had spent together, was that he was incredibly honest. He wasn’t afraid of saying things that were on his mind. He always voiced them out and made sure to let it be known.

So each word he had said was the truth for him. That he wanted them to think about things on their own. He wanted them to take a break from each other. He wanted them to not do this for a while. Jesse didn’t want that. He didn’t, at all.

“And if I didn’t want that?” because he had to ask, for clarity and desperation. Already, he felt like he was losing the boy. Like Shin was slowly but surely walking away from him, inch by inch, step by step, fading. Pushing him away and putting up walls, hiding behind them.

Shin pressed his lips into a thin line, then bit at the inside of his cheek. Like he was getting ready to break Jesse’s heart even more.

“Then you can check the schedule and book a time like everyone else does,”

Of course.

“You’re a customer, after all,”

And the thing about heartbreaks was that it could feel like the worst type of disaster exploding with madness inside of your chest, wanting to destroy your whole being and then some. But even then, it remained as quiet as a feather falling, not felt or heard by anyone else but the one experiencing it.

Jesse had never had heartbreak quite this bad. This was the first time he had felt like his world was shattering to pieces.

“Shin, please, I—”

“I have to go,” Shin said, not wanting to further the conversation. “The next session starts in a few. And your time is…” he paused, sounding hurt, “running out.”

And it was. Literally and figuratively. His time with Shin was running out. Like magic that was depleting, slowly losing its glow, slapping Jesse of reality. Of what was actually here, what was real. His time was running out, and Shin wasn’t doing anything about it. He was just letting it be.

“I have to go,” Shin repeated with a heavy voice and a heavy heart.

Jesse felt like it meant more than just the current session. Like he had to go away. Far away from Jesse. From this. From whatever it was that they had. Whatever the hell it might be. Whatever the hell it had the potential to be.

He wanted to ask Shin to stay. Stay here, stay with him, stay together. But he couldn’t. Jesse thought himself strong, courageous. But not this time. This time he felt like a complete coward. Because he did nothing, absolutely nothing, to prevent Shin from going. From leaving.

“I…” Jesse had so many things he wanted to say. So many things. He usually had no trouble telling Shin them. Not at all. “Okay,” but not this time. This time, things remained unsaid and empty, what if and what could have been.

Not a heartbeat later, the window disappeared, the timer counting down to zero, an indication of an ending.

Ending.

A final. Not even a goodnight, not even a goodbye.  _ I have to go,  _ ringing clear in Jesse’s mind, a painful repeat of words that he never expected to hear and never wanted to. But he did, anyway.

_ I have to go. _

Shin did. And now that Jesse was by himself, looking absolutely and completely ridiculous in front of his own computer, haunting loneliness slowly consuming him, he had realized something.

He had fallen for Shin, sure. He had irrevocably fallen in love with the guy from the screen.

And yet, he had absolutely no idea who he was.

* * *

The days dragged out longer ever since then. Jesse constantly visited the page to try and see Shin, because he was worried and concerned and he wanted to torture his already breaking heart.

Except Shin’s times were always booked, never being free even for a short session. Jesse once saw one of the buttons light up blue, indicating it was available. But before he could even think about pressing it, it had grayed out, a sign that someone got the time before him.

And he wanted to punch himself for being ridiculous. For being so desperate and stupid, waiting for a time to free up not even for whatever the hell the session’s main purpose was, but to actually  _ talk  _ to Shin. To clear things. To maybe tell the truth. Maybe have enough courage, this time. But it was to no use. And they hadn’t seen each other since then.

There was a knock on Jesse’s apartment door, a sound he only heard because he had been busy staring into the nothingness of his living room ceiling for the past 3 hours, with possibly too much and not enough in his mind.

“Jesse, open up,” he heard Juri’s muffled voice through the entrance, sounding like he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“Leave me alone, Juri,” was all he could muster, for the first time in his life not bothering with words and conversation.

“I’m going to break down the door if you don’t open this for me,”

Jesse scoffed. “Yea, like you could actually do that.”

“I can if I want to. That, or I can use the spare key,”

Jesse doubted Juri knew where the spare key was, anyway.

Except Juri was suddenly looking down at him, expression on his face clear, like he was feeling sorry for Jesse’s current state. “Do you really think your hiding place isn’t obvious enough? I’m surprised no one has robbed you, yet.”

“Leave me alone, Juri,” he repeated.

“Not a chance, buddy,” Juri patted his mess of a hair, threw his spare keys on the coffee table and stood straight. “You look like a mess.”

“Understatement of the year,”

“Is there a reason why you dyed your hair green? It looks almost like sea foam,”

Jesse hesitated to answer.

“Maybe because he loves the sea,”

Juri sighed, feeling sorry for his friend.

“And he told me I looked good in green,”

“Jesse—”

“Please, spare me,”

“Jesse, he was a cam guy,”

“Ugh,” Jesse groaned out loud in frustration, covering his eyes with his arm, not wanting to hear the cold hard truth. “It doesn’t matter.”

“You’re heartbroken over—”

“Don’t say it,”

“—a cam guy. Because he has—”

“La, la, la, la,” Jesse tried drowning Juri’s voice out, but he knew he could still hear him. “I can’t hear you, nope, can’t, really can’t.”

“—other customers. That’s literally what cam guys  _ do, _ ”

Yea, well, it didn’t make it any less of a heartbreak for Jesse. He just thought they were going somewhere. Maybe somewhere serious or, god so help him, something  _ special.  _ But he was struck by the bitter truth and that was Shin having other customers,  _ still.  _ He shouldn’t complain, really. He  _ was  _ a customer too, once. It wasn’t like he had met the guy through some other means.

It was just his fault that he had started to fall for him.

“You thought you were the only one he was seeing, did you?”

Jesse was quiet for a while, because leave it to Juri to know the absolute truth about everything, even if he hadn’t seen all aspects of it yet.

“Maybe,”

Juri sighed, and Jesse saw the pity and worry over his friend’s face. Had he really been that pathetic the past few weeks? Had he really resorted to that kind of misery?

“Look, remember Taiga from 2006?”

Jesse finally sat up as he ran his hand through his unruly hair, trying to get it to look decent. “As in richer-than-you-could-possibly-imagine Taiga? As in Taiga from childhood, Taiga? As in,  _ Kyomoto  _ Taiga? That Taiga?”

“Yes, that Taiga,”

“Yea, why? What’s with him?”

Juri walked towards Jesse’s bedroom, already rummaging through the younger man’s closet for what looked like… comfortable clothing? He grabbed a duffle bag on the way, stuffed it with one of Jesse’s untouched towels, and a big bottle of sunscreen.

“Well, his Dad bought a nearby beach house. And we’re going with him to break it in. Said he needed company besides Hokuto and his, I quote, ‘handsome face’,”

“Hokuto? From college? But I thought Hokuto was his ex from high school?”

“Yea, well, not anymore I guess,” Juri let out a little laugh, “but they’re bringing this other mutual friend of theirs, Kochi or something. Taiga said he wanted more people, called me up. And now I’m inviting you.”

“Because?”

“Because you look like you need sunlight, fresh air, and other things to think about,”

_ Besides Shin. _

Juri didn’t have to say the words, but it showed on his face anyway. Jesse knew that much. But he hesitated, still.

“And if I didn’t want to go?”

But his friend simply smiled knowingly, like he already knew that Jesse was already thinking otherwise, but just wanted to prolong his agony. “Then I’ll leave you to whatever fantastic thing it was that you’ve been doing the past three days. I’m sure it was interesting.”

“Sarcasm doesn’t fit you,”

“Misery doesn’t fit  _ you, _ ”

Jesse rolled his eyes.

“Fine, but I’m  _ not _ driving,”

Juri laughed, already knew Jesse’s answer was going to be yes, and handed him his duffle bag, all good to go. “You never drive, anyway.”

* * *

The drive to the beach house took long, but not as long as Jesse expected it to be. Still, the whole ride there he had been quiet, simply looking out the passenger window and watching buildings and views breeze through, barely engaging in conversation with Juri. The older had tried to make small talk with him, but it was to no avail, Jesse still not responding the way he usually would. It was a rare feat that Jesse was quiet, surprising even himself. Maybe his heart really was shattered.

Juri and Jesse were the last ones to arrive at the place, directed by the staff to the rooms that they were assigned to. When Jesse reluctantly and lazily got to his room, he noticed that a suitcase was already open at a corner, a label on it that he couldn’t quite clearly see. Except for two kanji characters that spelled out 森本.

“Morimoto?” he said out loud to no one, wondering why there was someone else’s things in the room given to him. And why there only seemed to be… one bed?

He looked around and tried to find another, even just a mattress or a futon, only to find none and confirm his theory.

Fuck.

After changing into board shorts and a loose beach button up that he didn’t bother buttoning, Jesse grabbed his ray-bans and headed towards the beach. He spotted all the others gathered under a huge beach umbrella around a table with tons of food, laughing while talking to each other. There were a handful of them, recognizing Juri’s mop of reddish hair from a distance, then Taiga’s blond locks next to someone who he recognized to be Hokuto, a friend from college.

“Jesse!” Juri called out to him, beckoning him over with a huge smile on his face. Jesse climbed down the steps towards the white sand beach, careful not to trip over his own feet. When he got to the table, everyone smiled at him. “Took you long?”

“Yea, had to do stuff,” he said with a chuckle, then furrowed his eyebrows. “Juri, uh,” he gestured, nodding towards the side to pull Juri and ask him a question.

“Yea?”

“Why is there another suitcase in my room?” the name  _ Morimoto  _ was still very clear in his head, hastily scribbled on the suitcase’s tag in what seemed to be someone’s handwriting.

“Oh right, about that…” Juri scratched the back of his head and served him a sheepish smile.

Then Jesse remembered there was only one bed in the room.

“No…” he warned, but Juri was already being defensive.

“I’m sorry, dude, we drew straws!” Juri said with a laugh, lifting his hands in surrender, “Kochi drew straws with Taiga’s friend and got the room with two beds. Shit, what was his name again? But anyway, then I drew straws with Taiga’s friend and, well, fortunately got the same room as Kochi. Separate beds.”

Jesse looked incredulous. “Then why wasn’t I involved in the straw drawing??”

“You were too busy being heartbroken in your apartment?”

Jesse groaned. So it had been planned beforehand. There was only one bed in the room he was given, and he was going to share it with a stranger. Great.

“Who’s this Morimoto guy anyway? You said he was Taiga’s friend?”

“Oh, he’s—”

“Too busy surfing,” Taiga giggled from the side, joining the conversation, “as he always is.” He nodded towards his friend’s direction, far from the shore, riding the waves.

Jesse turned his head towards the guy he was supposedly sharing a room and a bed with tonight, trying to see if he at least looked decent. But the guy was too far out into the sea, and the sun was shining bright towards Jesse’s face, that he couldn’t really see the details of the guy’s face. Whatever. As long as he wasn’t some creep. And since he was Taiga’s friend, maybe he wasn’t.

But Jesse was starting to hate every minute he spent out here. Sun, sea, sand, surf. It reminded him too much of Shin. He grabbed a glass of iced tea instead, wanting to drown out his memories. Then he saw Hokuto grab at Taiga’s hip, envious that he couldn’t do that to someone else. To Shin. To some guy he shouldn’t have fallen for, really.

“Taiga,” he called out, wanting to ask how he and Hokuto got back together, but decided against it. “Was this the new beach house you were talking about?” Jesse remembered Taiga messaging him and Juri about one, but knowing Kyomoto Taiga, he might have been talking about something entirely different.

Taiga smiled towards his direction, “Oh, no. That’s another one. Smaller. More cozy.”

“But this one’s new too?”

“Yea, so I wanted to break it in with you guys,”

“Who broke the other one in, then?”

“The cozier one? Oh, me and Hokuto have been busy breaking that one in the past few—”

Hokuto covered Taiga’s mouth with his palm, hugging the older boy from behind with his other arm. He laughed nervously, smiled wonky, “Ahaha, don’t listen to him.”

Taiga removed Hokuto’s hand from his mouth and whirled around to face him. “Was only telling the truth.”

“A truth need not be said out loud,”

“How’d you guys get back together?” Jesse chimed in again, because he liked poking at his own misery. Here was a couple, happy and together. How he wished the same were for him.

Both Hokuto and Taiga turned towards him, expression on their faces unreadable, but obviously something. Then they shared a look that Jesse guessed only they could understand, since they struggled to answer his question.

“That’s, uh,” Taiga started, but ended up laughing.

Hokuto continued for him. “Long story.”

“How have  _ you  _ been, Jesse?” Taiga finally asked, and Jesse was only reminded yet again of his state of being.

“Oh, you know,” he laughed out loud, the really loud one, the one he did with everyone else and not with… yea. “Still mixing drinks. Still trying to sing. Same old thing.”

“Right,” Taiga said, “oh, this is Kochi by the way. I don’t know if you’ve met, but he’s Hokuto’s friend, and my roommate back in college.”

“Kochi Yugo,” Kochi offered a handshake.

Jesse took it, trying to smile. “Jesse Lewis.”

“And that,” Taiga pointed towards the sea, “is my other, stupid friend who won’t get out of the water!” He yelled towards the guy surfing, knowing he couldn’t be heard, but still did anyway.

It seemed like he was heard, though. That, or the guy was finally tired of surfing, as he headed towards the beach to land properly. Jesse wanted to watch, but he busied himself with mixing a drink instead, not wanting another reminder of the boy that was, the boy he could not be with. Maybe he could get together with Taiga’s friend instead, since he surfed too. Like Shin did. Like Shin loved to do.

“I swear, he’s always swimming and surfing, and it’s fine really. But I really wanted to introduce him to you guys because—”

“Introduce who to who?” someone chimed in, and everyone turned their heads towards the source.

“Finally!” Taiga said, exasperated.

Jesse wanted to see who the guy was too, but the sunlight was blocking his view, and his sunglasses weren’t that much help either. But there was a tinge towards the guy’s voice that seemed oddly familiar to Jesse. Familiar enough to make his skin crawl, his blood dance, and his heart skip a beat.

He stood up in full, put down the drink he was mixing, removed his sunglasses and focused on the guy who just joined their little circle, despite him being against the light and harder to see. Jesse focused his vision, because he sensed something, something different, his ears turning red, tingling from what he had heard. Then he willed his heart to slow down when he finally saw because there was no way.  _ No fucking way. _

Taiga spoke up. “So guys, this is—”

“ _ You, _ ”

Jesse was surprised he could actually speak.

Everyone whipped their heads towards him, now looking at him, now looking at how he looked at the guy in front of him. Because despite not having seen his eyes before, he  _ knew  _ that torso. Those collarbones, that neck, that throat. Those lips. Shirtless, dripping wet from seawater, hair slicked back, looking like he was glowing. Standing there in all his glory, like he didn’t own all of Jesse’s heart, and then some.

The guy, this guy, Jesse  _ knew  _ this guy. The guy turned towards him, widening his eyes in realization as well.

Taiga furrowed his eyebrows. “Shintaro? You know him? This is—”

“Jesse…”

In that voice. In that same damn voice Jesse heard through his computer screen, all those nights where he thought his heart was going to claw its way out of his chest and offer itself up for Shin to steal. Shin.  _ Shintaro.  _ That was his full name.

Morimoto Shintaro. How incredibly beautiful.

“Wait, you know each other?” Taiga asked again, utterly confused.

“He…” what was Jesse supposed to say anyway? How was he to explain? How was he going to tell them that Shin had stolen his waking moments and sleepless nights and oh-so fucking fragile heart? “He’s…”

And Juri, smartass Tanaka Juri, pieced things together. “Oh, shit. You mean he’s… oh,  _ shit. _ ”

Jesse felt like all the breath in his lungs had escaped, mixing in with the sticky sea breeze that blew through and ruffled Shintaro’s slowly drying hair.

“You’re here,” 

It was the only thing he could think of saying. Because after long nights of missing him, he was here. Shintaro was  _ here.  _ And not even through a computer screen. He was actually here. Living, breathing, looking at him. Looking like  _ that,  _ in front of him. Concrete, human,  _ real.  _

“Can somebody explain—”

“Alright, well!” Juri said, cutting Taiga off. “I think it’s time we all go for a swim. Jesse needs to, uh, settle down first before he does and Shintaro just came out of the water. So, yea. We shall all go now.”

He dragged everyone away from the two, who were still too busy staring at each other, too afraid to even step closer. Once they were all out of earshot, Jesse finally released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“You’re…” he cleared his throat, for fear of his voice cracking, “you’re friends with Taiga?”

Shintaro nodded, not taking his eyes off him, staring into the eyes he had longed to see. “Childhood.”

“Me too,” but how come they didn’t know each other? How come Jesse knew Taiga, but not Shintaro? Had they always co-existed?

“And you know everyone else?”

“Through Taiga,”

“Right,”

A comfortable silence passed through them, like they had given each other time to just  _ look.  _ Because Jesse knew that torso all too well, and not even because of the way Shintaro would slide his hand downwards, caressing his skin. It was because he had memorized the way Shintaro looked like, spoke like, laughed like. The way Shintaro smiled.  _ That smile. _

Those lips. Jesse stared at them, at the way the cupid’s bow dipped, the way they looked so full and red from probably the surfing, the way they looked so inviting. Those lips. Shintaro’s lips.

Jesse had long since wanted to kiss them. Wanted to see how they felt against his own. What they tasted when he got the pleasure,  _ the honour,  _ to be allowed access. When Shintaro would say yes to it.

Would he say yes to it?

Then he remembered that he hadn’t seen those lips and that smile in quite a while. Because.  _ Because. _

“I’m sorry for… the other night,” Shintaro suddenly said, breaking Jesse out of his reverie.

“What?” he responded, confused.

“I just…”

“No, it’s fine, I should say sorry. You were just— and I should’ve known that, I mean I was also— it’s okay, I should’ve understood, and—”

“That was the first time I lied like that. And to you too, of all people. I shouldn’t have lied that big and that much, especially to someone I cared about. I’m really sorry,”

Shintaro talked with a soft voice, sounding broken over what he did. Like he had done the unthinkable and was basically begging for forgiveness.

Jesse shook his head vigorously and waved a hand. “No, what do you mean? Please, don’t say sorry, it’s—” then he furrowed his eyebrows, finally processing the words. “Wait, ‘lie’? What do you mean ‘lie’?”

Shin took a deep breath. “I’ve been lying the past few weeks.”

“Lying? About what? Because we haven’t even seen each other so I don’t—”

“There was no other customer,”

Jesse felt his heart stop.

“W-what?” he said, voice shaking, words coursing through him. There wasn’t any other customer. What consumed his thoughts hadn’t been true. Hadn’t been real.

Shintaro bit on his bottom lip, averting his eyes and shifting on his spot. He stuck his surfboard into the sand and ran a hand through his hair, drying still. Then he wrapped his arms around himself, as if to shield himself from a cruel world, feeling too vulnerable.

“There really wasn’t another customer. I just…” he struggled to speak. “I didn’t know how to deal with it. So I lied and pushed you away because I just— I couldn’t.”

Jesse was ready to get his heart broken. But he willed himself to cling onto hope. “Deal with what? With me?”

Shintaro took a deep breath and faced him again, a more determined look swimming in his eyes.

“I… I hadn’t been taking customers since we…. since we saw each other. That third session, remember? When the two-way thing started. I stopped doing the public ones too. And I— I just— I didn’t want to take them anymore, I didn’t want to take anyone else,”

Jesse stepped closer. He hadn’t realized he had been doing so since Shintaro started talking.

“Why?” because he had to know. He  _ had  _ to.

“I just said that I did, because I was… and I  _ can’t.  _ You’re a customer, and I had to draw that line, because if I didn’t, it means… it means that I…”

“That you?” Jesse couldn’t hear himself through the sound of his heart pounding like a thousand bass drums inside his chest. “You what, Shin? What is it?”

“I can’t fall for a customer,”

Jesse could feel his heart bursting, the butterflies in his stomach following suit.

“I can’t do that. But I couldn’t deal with my feelings. Because I— I’ve—”

“Fallen in love with you,”

Jesse finally said the words out loud, seeing Shintaro’s breath visibly hitch, surprised by the actual words.

There were close, closer now, Jesse not even realizing he had stepped incredibly closer and they were directly looking at each other, faces inches apart. Jesse couldn’t fucking believe it wasn’t through a stupid computer screen. He stared into Shintaro’s eyes, seeing an entire galaxy swim through them. And they were the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.

“I’ve fallen in love with you,” he repeated. Because it was the absolute truth. And Shintaro needed to know. Over and over and over. Like a mantra, like clockwork, like a goddamn prayer. He needed to know how Jesse really felt. “I know it seems stupid and ridiculous, that we met through…” he took a breath, but pushed through, “but it’s true. And I—”

Shintaro shook his head, in disbelief. “I thought you didn’t— and I was—” then he gulped.

Jesse was tall. Taller than he imagined, and he imagined Jesse to be pretty damn tall. But the older boy towered over him in an endearing way and Shintaro was so damn caught. Jesse looked into his eyes, and that was it, that was what it was, like they  _ knew. _

Because the next moment, the door to their room slammed against its frame, and Jesse reached behind Shintaro to blindly click the lock into place as the younger boy fisted his hair to pull him closer into the hurried kiss. Shintaro attacked his lips with a vigorous kiss, almost hungry for what they felt like, like he had been craving for something for so long and he didn’t even know he was.

Jesse grabbed at Shintaro’s waist, digging his hands into heated skin that was still wet from the sea. He thumbed at Shintaro’s deep v-line, like he had fantasized one too many nights ago, and Shintaro moaned loud in return, voice pitching higher the more Jesse pressed into his skin, squirming at the touch. Jesse pressed him against the door, trapping him there, body flush against him as he grinded their hips together and  _ fuck,  _ Shintaro could already feel it. Could feel how hard Jesse was underneath his board shorts, how  _ he  _ made Jesse hard, how he had caused all of this.

He moaned again as a reaction, wanting Jesse to know just exactly how he made him feel as well. Jesse thumbed at his v-line again, tracing it upwards and Shintaro tiptoed to follow the action, whimpering and squirming once more, chasing the feeling of Jesse’s finger. He unknowingly lifted one of his legs up, and it wasn’t long before Jesse made a grab for his thigh and gripped it tight, wrapping it around his own waist. Jesse grabbed at Shintaro’s other leg and did the same, hoisting the younger up in his hold and carrying him, trapping him against his body and the door. Shintaro moaned again when their cocks knocked against each other, even through the layers of clothing, as he held onto Jesse’s shoulders to steady himself.

Jesse eventually maneuvered them away from the door and towards the bedroom, carrying Shintaro with strong arms and placing him on top of the mattress with a light bounce. He continued to kiss, kiss into his mouth, putting his tongue between Shintaro’s teeth and flicking it at the roof of Shintaro’s mouth. Shintaro moaned at the feeling, fisting Jesse’s deep green hair in a desperate hold, like he could never ever have enough.

Situating himself between Shintaro’s legs, Jesse kissed Shintaro more, wanting to tattoo his taste into his memory. Shintaro smelled and tasted of sun, sand, sea, surf, a hint of vanilla and mint, and he was so inexplicably Shintaro, Jesse couldn’t even begin to explain. And  _ god,  _ was he the most intoxicating thing Jesse had ever had the privilege to have, hypnotizing him into a trance that he wouldn’t mind being stuck in. Shintaro lifted his legs and looped them around Jesse’s waist once more, already reaching for Jesse’s shirt and making a grab at it with a firm hold, wanting it off.

“ _ Jesse, _ ” he whispered into the kiss, voice heady and thick and  _ real.  _ A voice that was here and now and made Jesse realize that finally.  _ Finally. _

Finally, Shintaro was in his arms. Finally, Shintaro was with him. Finally, Shintaro was here. Jesse felt his heart skip a goddamn beat.

Then he lifted himself momentarily, overwhelmed about what was happening, wanting to make sure this was actually reality and not just one of his beautiful but deceiving daydreams.

“Wait,” he said, pulling away slightly, still close enough to Shintaro but inches further so that he could look into the younger’s eyes.

Shintaro’s eyes. Jesse could never believe just exactly how beautiful they were. Like that word in itself was not enough to explain how captivating they were. How they held all of the world’s magic and wonder. 

“Are you real?” he asked, breathless, not quite believing everything that was happening yet.

“Jesse, I’m…”

“I just need to know this is real, that you’re real, that this isn’t going to suddenly be pulled away from me again because you’re  _ finally  _ here and I…” Jesse paused as Shintaro blinked, the younger’s long eyelashes fluttering against his flushed skin. “I want you. I want you and I want to get to know you and I want to know you for real this time and I don’t fucking care that we met through—”

Shintaro pulled him in for another kiss, softer this time, full of feeling and reassurance and comfort. Saying a million words through it that he couldn’t form right now, but still wanted to say.

Jesse kissed back, feeling tears slowly well up behind eyelids shut tight, preventing them from falling. When he opened them to look at Shintaro again, the tears fell anyway.

“This isn’t just physical for me,”

“I know,”

“But I want you right now because…”

“I know, Jesse,”

Shintaro lifted a hand to wipe at a tear strolling down Jesse’s cheek, the corners of his lips turning up to form a small smile. He moved his hand further up, running it through Jesse’s hair, trying to get the taller boy to relax.

“Green really does suit you,” he said, loving how the green strands look between his fingers. Then he settled his fingers in the nape of Jesse’s neck, smoothing circles on the tip of the taller’s spine and playing with the ends of his seafoam hair.

Jesse took a deep breath, overwhelmed once more at the way Shintaro was looking at him.

“I want you too. For this, more than this, after this,” Shintaro said, making Jesse cry more, his heart squeezing in his chest. “If you’ll have me.”

Jesse could feel his heart bursting at the seams. Shintaro wanted him. Shintaro wanted this. Wanted  _ them. _ And if Shintaro was going to be brave about it, then Jesse wanted to be brave, too.

He leaned forward and kissed Shintaro again, hurried, but much more passionate, feeling each letter of the word  _ finally  _ passed between their lips. Shintaro’s was soft against his own, pillowing his lips like a perfect puzzle piece that was always meant to fit with him, always meant to complete the picture he had tried so hard to form. The younger let out little whispers of pleasure, minute sounds that he couldn’t keep inside anymore, whimpers and whines and signs of him feeling good. Of Jesse making him feel good.

Jesse finally pulled the string of Shintaro’s board shorts and unraveled it, slowly but surely pulling on the shorts and smoothing them down the younger’s legs, throwing it haphazardly across the room when he finally got them off. He grasped the skin of Shintaro’s thighs, full and thick in his hold, digging blunt nails and wanting to mark them with his signature. Shintaro squirmed under his touch, obviously enjoying what Jesse had done, letting a moan out into their kiss.

Momentarily pulling away, Jesse moved further down to kiss Shintaro's jaw, then his neck, sucking on the skin, determined to make so many marks to show the world that Shintaro was his, and that Shintaro allowed him to be his as well. The younger fisted his green hair, throwing his head back so Jesse could have more access to his neck, wanting Jesse’s teeth, tongue and lips on him again and again. He recalled lonely nights of imagining this happening to him, never quite getting satisfied when he did it to himself because he wanted Jesse. Jesse’s hands, Jesse’s lips, Jesse kisses. He wanted that and more. And now that he finally got it, it was definitely way better than what his imagination could conjure.

Jesse moved even lower to Shintaro’s collarbones, grazing his teeth against them and sucking a red mark in between, another claim. He moved towards Shintaro’s chest, lightly biting on the younger’s skin, putting it between his teeth and marking. Then he distracted Shintaro’s by playing with the hem of the younger’s boxers, Shintaro about to react to Jesse pulling them down and off when Jesse suddenly swiped his tongue flat against one of Shintaro’s nipples, making the younger gasp out and tense up, a loud and dirty moan escaping his throat.

“Oh  _ god, _ ” he couldn’t help but say, legs tightening around Jesse’s hips, “I—”

Jesse bit on his nipple, light enough so it wouldn’t hurt, but hard enough for the pleasure to kick in, Shintaro squirming as a reaction, his nerves coming alive. His nails dug into Jesse’s shoulder, a firm grip there that tried to anchor him back to reality, back to where he was currently in. Jesse bit harder, then let go and smoothed his tongue over the sensitive bud once more, Shintaro moaning again from the intensity. Before he could let out another reaction, Jesse moved to his other nipple, doing the exact same thing, with the exact same movements, and Shintaro felt like he was going to lose his sanity.

He immediately moved his hands, wanting more of Jesse’s skin, wanting to touch where he could. Jesse’s shirt and shorts were soon discarded, joining Shintaro’s own clothes on the floor, leaving Jesse in just tight boxers that Shintaro was already scrambling to remove. Jesse lifted his hips and helped Shintaro out, the younger easing the boxers off of Jesse and throwing them away, Jesse’s cock springing free from its constraints. It glistened at the tip with pre-cum, standing proud, and Shintaro let out a gasp when it hit his own hard cock, both of theirs smoothing against each other. 

Before anything further could happen, Jesse moved lower, leaving butterfly kisses down Shintaro’s torso, towards well-defined abs. He traced the lines with his lips, Shintaro breathing harder as he felt Jesse tickling at his skin and making it tingle, building up even more tension inside of him. He let out little sounds of appreciation and pleasure, Jesse’s ears picking up on it and driving him to do more, give more, be more. Give Shintaro everything he wanted and deserved. He nipped at Shintaro’s skin, peppering featherlight kisses all over and making the younger squirm once more. Then he placed his lips on Shintaro’s deep v-line, kissing there then swiping his tongue at it, licking and grazing his teeth, the younger fisting his hair again. Jesse repeated the action, Shintaro moaning loud and arching his back, feeling sensitive.

With every shallow breath and every sound of pleasure Shintaro made, Jesse reacted to by leaving bites and licks and kisses. He left them up against the younger’s legs, enjoying how thick Shintaro’s thighs were, giving Jesse a lot of skin to work with. He bit Shintaro's thigh and sucked on the skin, making Shintaro moan and making another mark, more to tell the world that he intended on keeping the younger boy with him always. That he had him. He finally had him.

“Shin…” Jesse whispered, finally finding his voice and the will to speak. He looked up momentarily, a silent ask of permission clear in his eyes. Shintaro met Jesse’s heated but soft gaze, the older boy’s pupils dilated, mirroring his own. Then he bit on his bottom lip and nodded slowly, telling Jesse that he understood, that it was okay, that he wanted it.

So Jesse complied, smoothed his lips down. He gestured for Shintaro to lift his hips, assisting him and guiding him, leaning forward and bending down to softly kiss around Shintaro’s entrance, where he was most sensitive. Shintaro gasped then let out a long guttural moan, whimpering almost helplessly and hypnotizing as Jesse teased him. Jesse gripped Shintaro’s supple cheeks, the skin tight, and separated them to gain more access, darting out his tongue to have more of a taste. Shintaro squirmed and dug his heel onto Jesse’s back, urging him on, craving more of the feeling of Jesse’s tongue and lips on his skin.

With another tease, Jesse massaged Shintaro’s thighs and ass, hands moving in a circular motion, tongue soon mimicking it. Shintaro was about to say something—tell Jesse to get going already—when Jesse had beat him to it, swiping his tongue flat against the puckered skin of his entrance, making him lift his hips higher. He moaned Jesse’s name, once, twice, feeling himself slowly come apart as Jesse swirled his tongue and licked at him expertly, tracing his rim in a circular movement. And yet Jesse found a way to take him even higher, suddenly poking and prodding at the tight skin of his hole with a rough and calloused finger, already feeling thick. 

“Jesse—” Shintaro choked on a moan before Jesse pressed his finger in, tip enveloped by the younger’s heat. He pressed further and further in until his finger reached knuckle deep, Shintaro welcoming the intrusion and tightening around him as a sign of pleasure. Jesse experimentally curled his finger, turning his head to the side to kiss Shintaro’s thigh while he did, Shintaro clawing at his neck and hair as a reaction. Then he pulled his finger out all the way, pushing back in deep with two and stretching them, stretching Shintaro further.

And the familiar pang of pain that hit Shintaro was all but forgotten when the pleasure underneath it had surfaced, Jesse feeling him get comfortable and moving his fingers in a steady rhythm. Two soon became three, stretching Shintaro even more as he tried to crawl back to sanity, Jesse’s fast then slow and steady pace building something up inside of him. Something they both wanted, something they both chased. Jesse curled his fingers again, and Shintaro gasped out loud as it hit something deep inside him.

“Oh  _ god, _ ” he moaned, fisting Jesse’s green hair again, “there, I’m—”

Jesse pushed and pulled his fingers in and out of Shintaro, hitting where he was sensitive the entire time. Shintaro let out delicious moans of pleasure and arousal as he did, getting louder each second that passed, feeling building up inside of him. He was about to warn Jesse, tell him that he had been close, when the older suddenly pulled his fingers out all the way and left Shintaro hanging. 

Shintaro was about to ask what had happened when Jesse moved up and hovered over him, gulping as he stared into Shintaro’s eyes.

“Shin…” he whispered once more, finding a galaxy in Shintaro’s eyes, glowing and radiant, the most beautiful he had ever had the privilege to see. Words had failed him at that moment, for the first time ever, too caught in Shintaro and the way he made his heart sing.

Shintaro bit at his bottom lip. “Y-yea?” he whispered back, feeling the weight of Jesse’s state and voice and emotions, but in all the good ways.

“I…” Jesse gulped, then took a deep breath. “I want this. With you.  _ Only  _ you. If you’ll let me.”

Shintaro smiled in response, words not being enough to say what he wanted anyway. He pulled Jesse in for another kiss, instead, slower this time but all the more passionate, telling him that he wanted the same through the action. Jesse deepened it by reaching his tongue between Shintaro’s teeth and flicking it on the roof of Shintaro’s mouth, earning him a small gasp.

Shintaro responded by lifting his hips, knocking their cocks together, making them both moan and groan and feel pleasure. He reached underneath as the pace of their kiss increased, reaching for both of their lengths and attempted to wrap his hands around both, fingers barely even doing so. But Jesse groaned anyway, their cocks sliding together and slowly inching him towards insanity, Shintaro following suit. Jesse grinded his hips down, pressed his front against Shintaro’s, chasing the feeling of the younger's skin against his own.

“Shin, can I…” Jesse whispered onto Shintaro’s lips, into the younger’s soft kiss. He wanted more. He wanted more of him, wanted to be together with him. Actually be together.

Shintaro’s breath visibly hitched, then he pulled away slightly to nod, ghosting the word “ _ Yes, _ ” onto Jesse’s lips. Spelling them out with the curve of his own lips, leaving each letter featherlight, like magic was wrapped around them.

Yes, Jesse realized. Yes was the answer. Yes, Shintaro wanted to.

He was about to lift himself to reach for a packet of condom, but Shintaro was determined and had locked his legs around Jesse, preventing him from moving further away. Jesse searched his eyes, surprised.

“But I—”

“It’s okay,” Shintaro said in a small voice.

Jesse breathed, in disbelief, but in the good way. “Are… are you sure?”

Shintaro bit on his bottom lip, nodding slowly.

“I want you. All of you,”

And Jesse felt his heart burst.

He took a deep breath and nodded as well, slightly overwhelmed but pushed on. Jesse adjusted himself, grabbing onto Shintaro’s thigh, lifting him slightly so he could place himself better. Then the older grabbed his own cock, angling his tip directly against Shintaro’s entrance, heat and heartbeat radiating from the both of them.

He couldn't believe this was actually, finally happening. That this wasn’t one of his dreams or fantasies on lonely nights, imagining a smile owned by a boy who had made his heart beat more than ever, more than before, more than anyone else ever did. That this was real, this was now, this here.

He placed a hand on Shintaro’s cheek, a soft hold here that made the younger look at him with an expression Jesse wanted to drown in and never be saved from. Shintaro smiled small and shy, taking Jesse’s breath away once more. They both nodded, and Jesse pushed forward, both of them keeping their eyes on one another.

Shintaro had been prepared as much as Jesse could stretch him, but fingers still weren’t enough compared to Jesse’s length. The younger gasped at the sudden but welcome intrusion, Jesse pushing forward slowly, stretching him further. Soon, his heat had enveloped the tip of Jesse’s cock, the older momentarily pausing to catch his breath.

Jesse lowered himself to whisper directly into Shintaro’s ear. “You have to tell me if something’s not okay,” he said, breathless, obviously trying to stop himself from going too fast. “Okay, Shin?”

Shintaro nodded, unable to form words. He felt himself stretched wider, but urged Jesse on anyway, a gentle push at Jesse’s lower back. 

The older moved forward, cock slowly moving inside of Shintaro’s heat, stretching him further. Shintaro felt every inch of Jesse fill him up, gasping and whimpering in response with each push into him. Jesse continued until he had bottomed out, the both of them releasing breaths when he had done so.

Jesse placed a soft kiss on Shintaro’s forehead, to calm the younger but also to anchor himself back to reality. He had to calm himself down, lest the night end too fast. Shintaro breathed, chest heaving, feeling the burn of being stretched more as he tried to adjust to and accommodate Jesse’s size.

With another kiss to Shintaro’s forehead, his eyelids, the tip of his nose, and one to his cheek, Jesse spoke softly. “When you’re ready,” he said, then placed a chaste kiss on Shintaro’s lips, and another, and another. Shintaro tried to catch his breathing, lifting his hands to run his fingers through Jesse’s seafoam green hair, then to the tip of his spine, his shoulder blades, and his back.

When he had felt himself adjusted, pain slowly replaced by pleasure, Shintaro nodded, pulling Jesse in for another kiss. Jesse pulled out experimentally, Shintaro feeling every inch of Jesse’s cock leaving him. Then he pushed in all the way, earning a gasp and a loud moan from Shintaro, who had fisted his hair and dug his nails into Jesse’s skin, feeling his entire system ride on ecstasy.

Jesse repeated the action, again and again, slow at first, waiting for Shintaro to adjust to him. Until the younger’s moans had increased, clawing at Jesse’s back with blunt nails that dug deep, leaving red welts in their wake. Jesse hissed at the minute pain, but it only drove him further, feeling too damn good as he was surrounded by Shintaro’s heat. He picked up his pace slightly, faster and harder, a tight grip at Shintaro’s hip to keep the boy in place while he pounded into him, slowly losing his control. He moved to kiss and bite at Shintaro’s neck, determined to leave so much more marks that would tell the world that Shintaro was his.

Shintaro begged for more, whimpering the incoherent words out loud as his mind started to empty out from sense and started to be filled with nothing but arousal, emotion and Jesse. He wanted more of Jesse, could never have had and never will have enough of him. He bit at Jesse’s shoulder to silence himself, but Jesse lifted himself to prevent that.

“I want to hear you,” he demanded, low voice like sweet molasses, the words decorating Shintaro’s flushed skin. Shintaro moaned, holding onto Jesse.

Jesse lifted his hand and ran his fingers through Shintaro’s hair, holding him there tight and angling his head better. “Louder, Shintaro,” he said again, a tingling sensation traveling all over Shintaro’s system, blood dancing from the way Jesse had said his name. He moaned louder and longer, both satisfying both of their needs and wants.

The older increased his pace, going harder, rougher, making Shintaro moan louder and longer. He felt a familiar heat pool low in his belly, was about to say something when Jesse suddenly placed his arm on the back of Shintaro’s knee, lifting his leg and stretching him more. Then he thrust upward, hard, fast and rough, changing his angle better. He thrust once, twice, then hit something deep and sensitive inside, Shintaro gasping out loud when he did. He threw his head back in sheer pleasure, arching his back as Jesse repeatedly hit his prostate directly with the tip of his cock, feeling his whole being come alive..

“ _ There, oh god, Jess I— _ ” he said with what he could, cut off by his own moan as Jesse continued to hit him right where he wanted him.

Jesse moved faster, driven by the delicious sounds Shintaro had been making, inching closer and closer to the edge as he did. He sunk his teeth into the skin of Shintaro’s neck, letting out a hiss and growl as Shintaro clawed at his back more, claiming him as well. His pace had been unrelentless, wanting Shintaro to feel every bit pleasurable, as much as possible.

Shintaro moaned and gasped and whimpered, said words that Jesse couldn’t even comprehend any longer, but knew were asking him for more. Jesse lifted himself, wanting to see the look on Shintaro’s face.

“Shin,” he said, voice low. “Look at me.”

Shintaro opened his eyes, half-lidded, glassy with want and arousal, and Jesse was so fucking weak for it. He had been caught, too caught, Shintaro’s eyes and gaze like a trap he never ever wanted to escape from. He continued to thrust, the both of them looking at each other, saying so much more than words could portray. Then Jesse suddenly lifted a hand to wrap around Shintaro’s cock, moving his wrist the same time as his hips, wanting to make Shintaro feel even better, even more.

And something shifted in Shintaro’s eyes then, an expression that Jesse had seen for the first time but already knew all too well. It was a different look, something heated and glowing, like a silent scream of pleasure, like a warning of something good.

“Jess, I’m—”

Jesse bent down to capture Shintaro’s lips in a searing kiss, pouring all of his emotions into it. He kept his movements steady, feeling Shintaro inch closer and closer to the edge until the younger had gasped into their kiss, his scream of Jesse’s name muffled by the older’s lips. Jesse felt Shintaro’s tight heat, insides fluttering around his cock as he came hard, shaking violently while he did. He convulsed and shook, dragging Jesse to the edge with him.

Jesse’s movements became staggered, losing its pattern and rhythm, but still continuous. Shintaro came hard, spilling all over Jesse’s tight fingers around his cock. Jesse groaned, feeling his own climax creep up on him and wanted to pull out, but Shintaro locked his legs around him, preventing him from moving away.

“Shin, I’m going to—”

“ _ I-inside, _ ” Shintaro could barely speak, “ _ please,  _ I want you inside.”

Jesse groaned again, keeping himself in place. With a few more irregular thrusts, Jesse reaches his climax, spilling inside Shintaro and filling him up with his come, prolonging Shintaro’s high even more. They moved together, kiss uneven but still there, bodies fitting together perfectly like it had been meant to always be like this. Jesse rode out his high, Shintaro joining him, the both of them feeling the effects of each other’s doing all over.

After slowing down the kiss a fraction, Jesse was finally able to catch his breath, slowing down his movements as well. He momentarily stopped before pulling out slowly, inch by inch, Shintaro’s eyebrows furrowing when he did, then shuddered when Jesse had completely gone. Jesse lifted himself to smooth the crease of Shintaro’s eyebrows, then kissed his cheek, and his forehead, soft and sweet. He lowered himself beside Shintaro, but pulled the younger with him, surrounding him in a tight hold.

Jesse tilted his chin up to capture his lips in another kiss, soft and slow and full of emotion. They continued the slow and lazy kisses, content on simply taking pleasure from the feeling of their lips against one another’s, moving together.

Then Jesse pulled away first, for fear of his lungs giving out, only to feel exactly that when Shintaro fluttered his eyelids open and looked at him, looking so damn ethereal in the afterglow.

Jesse took a deep breath.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispered, unable to keep the words unsaid.

Shintaro bit on his lip and smiled shyly, averting his eyes as he blushed. He placed his cheek on Jesse’s chest, palm lying on Jesse's torso, muttering a silent thank you onto the older’s skin. 

They fell into comfortable silence for a while, the only thing heard was their breathing and the sound of the air conditioning as it whirred. Jesse took the sheets and covered them both with it, a smile to his face at how Shintaro didn’t react. At how Shintaro was content here. At how Shintaro wasn’t running away.

“You know,” Jesse said, still breathless, breaking the silence. “I really thought I was going to hate the fact that I had to share a bed with a complete stranger.”

They both laughed, Jesse placing another kiss on top of Shintaro’s hair, tracing circles onto the younger’s hip. Then he took Shintaro’s hand and linked their fingers together, before lifting it and placing a soft kiss on each of Shintaro’s knuckles, taking the younger’s breath away.

“Me too, actually,” Shintaro said, playing with the gold necklace around Jesse’s neck, curious as to why it seemed to have slightly matched his own.

“Turned out alright,”

“I mean, I guess,” Shintaro joked.

Jesse laughed, making Shintaro laugh as well. “You guess?”

They laughed more, then fell into another comfortable silence, content on simply holding each other. Until Shintaro’s heart had knocked against his chest, feeling it swell because he was here, in Jesse’s hold, with Jesse. But.

“Jess,” he said, gulping, his hold on Jesse tightening, “are we… how do we…”

Shintaro looked up to see Jesse already looking at him, kind eyes and warm smile sent his direction. “It’s okay,” Jesse said softly, “we’ll figure it out.”

And Shintaro believed him. He put his heart on his sleeve and trusted Jesse with it. Because Jesse did that same thing in return.

Then Jesse stared into Shintaro’s eyes, finding something there that he had been longing for, something he couldn’t quite place yet, but was slowly figuring out. Something along the lines of forever, said through eyes that were too damn beautiful to exist in such a cruel world. Then he sighed.

He was so damn in love.

“Hi,” he said, breathing. “I’m Jesse Lewis.”

Shintaro widened his eyes in wonder, then his expression turned warm, smiling.

“Hi,” he smiled wider, “I’m Morimoto Shintaro.”

And if Jesse could listen carefully, he could tell that his heart soared and screamed, spelling out each letter of Shintaro’s name.

“Nice to meet you,”

**Author's Note:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEM :(((((( I honestly struggled SO MUCH with how I wanted to end it. I wrote and rewrote it so many times until I was FINALLY satisfied with that. So yea. I hope you all are too. :) What a journey Jesshin went through, sigh.  
> Thoughts?


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